


A Barber's Dream

by justhuman



Category: Stargate SG-1, Warehouse 13
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Community: jd_ficathon, Crossover, F/F, M/M, Post - Stargate Continuum, barber, retired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 20:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhuman/pseuds/justhuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Daniel have retired, except when Sam asks for a favor. Expecting some off-world excitement, they end up with a domestic milk-run. That is until the milk turns sour when they run into the agents of Warehoue 13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Barber's Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lokei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokei/gifts).



> This is a fusion of Stargate with Warehouse 13. The POV is from Stargate, but the setting is Warehouse 13. We are beyond canon in both fandoms for this fusion. To learn the basics of either universe or more about the timeline, there is a summary at these links LJ / DW

**A Barber's Dream**

"United States Air Force Academy and the Easter Colorado Barber College," Burt said with a harrumph, as he ran his palm over his stubbly cheek.

"Yup," Jack said over the sound of the clippers in his hand, as he inspected the cut he had just given to Vince's hair. Satisfied that the all was in order, he turned off the clippers and hung them on a hook next to the mirror. With practiced grace, he picked up a brush and began dusting off Vince's collar.

"One's dated in the seventies and the others in the 2000s," Burt observed.

Vince rolled his eyes in the mirror at Jack, who was shaking his head. "Guess he had to wait to find the time to do it," Vince laughed as Jack untied the plastic cape and shook out the hair.

"So how'd you found the time to do it?" Burt asked.

"To do which?" Jack asked in reply. "Become a top gun or the guy that runs with scissors?" Out of the corner of his eye he could see Daniel banging his head against a book.

"Well you know what I mean," Burt insisted.

"Daniel," Jack said.

Slowly looking up from the book, Daniel said, "Jack."

"How did I find the time?"

One of these days, Daniel was going to throw something at him, but the only things that Daniel currently had handy were his books and an empty coffee mug, all of which were much too precious to throw, or at least Jack counted on that.

Daniel put the mug and the book down and got what Jack would call a twinkle in his eye. "It went like this, Burt. In 2011, they repealed 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell,' so Jack retired."

"In protest?" Burt sounded confused, even if he shouldn't have been. Even someone as apparently dense as Burt understood the relationship between Jack and Daniel.

"Nope," Daniel shook his head and leaned back in the chair. "He didn't like the way the reporters were eyeing him up-"

"Eying us up," Jack interrupted indignantly as he picked up the broom. Little bastard claimed he wasn't suited for the small town life, but he always seemed to settle right into the role of spinner of tall tales.

"Well, they were eyeing _us_ up, because the reporters were chomping at the bit for the opportunity to cover the first gay wedding of a high ranking officer." Daniel continued as if Jack hadn't spoken. "So Jack retired, and we were married quietly with just a few close friends in attendance."

"But Daniel did do the chicken dance," Jack said.

Vince raised an eyebrow – he had spent enough time playing cards with the two of them to understand that might be made up, except that it wasn't.

Daniel looked at him. "Jack made me; there was some nostalgia there. Anyway, after that Jack came back to Colorado to live with me. That was when a terrible thing happened."

"What was that?" Burt asked, obviously excited.

"Jack got bored," Daniel replied, glaring at Jack, who stuck out his tongue.

Vince laughed. "I would have figured you'd have gone fishing."

"He did, every day." Daniel let the words drag out for emphasis.

"Nothin' wrong with that," Burt said.

"See, this is why I let you hang around, Burt, even though you never get a haircut or a shave," Jack said.

"Well I was overwhelmed with all the fishing information that was imparted unto me when I came home from work," Daniel said.

" _When_ he actually came home," Jack snapped.

"You knew full well-" Daniel tailed off and clenched his teeth, obviously annoyed with having risen to the bait. "Yeah, my job involved long hours and frequent travel. Because I was learning too much about fishing, I gently suggested Jack get another hobby."

"Gently suggested?" Jack shook his head. There was absolutely nothing gentle about it as Jack remembered it. Then again, he did go a week where he inserted fish or fishing into every sentence just to see if he could.

"Yes, gently suggested, as opposed to killing him." Daniel said.

Jack thought that was much more like it.

"So barber school," Burt said, pointing at the diploma.

"Why barber school?" asked Vince.

Jack looked at him, waiting for something funny to come, but it didn't. His reasons had been wrapped in nostalgia about the place where men gathered and sat you on a fake pony to give you your first haircut. Of course, there had also been the dreams of another barber that he had once shared some brain space with. No one believed him when said that the dreams of a barber were soothing. Jack shrugged.

"It didn't start off with barber school," Daniel said. "There was home brewing, complete with exploding bottles of beer, and a pottery wheel and yoga and -"

"They don't want to hear all that," Jack said. "It's just that being a barber seemed like it would give me a way to talk to people when my husband was off saving the galaxy or whatever it was that he did."

Daniel glared, probably because he wasn't able to make any of the obvious comments. "Yes, well, Jack apparently still wanted to talk to me after four years in Colorado Springs-"

"Four years, seven and a half months."

"And he told me it was his turn to pick where to live," Daniel said.

"And thus you moved to god's very country, Northern Minnesota, land of lakes," Vince said, with some bravado as he pressed some bills into Jack's hand.

"Amen," Jack said as he stuffed the cash into a jar on the counter.

Daniel rolled his eyes at him, and Jack winked.

"What about you, Daniel? You got any fancy degrees?" Burt asked. "I mean, I know you tutor the high school kids in Spanish and such. You must have some kind of degree, right?"

Vince and Jack both smothered a laugh. Daniel bit his upper lip. "Yeah, I have one or two, but they're didn't involve airplanes or guided missiles or even razors. They're not as interesting as Jack's." Daniel said and smiled back when Jack smiled at him. Then he frowned as an instant message popped on his screen with a buzz.

"All right, Burt, that's enough interrogation for one day. Daniel's alarm went off and that only means one thing," Jack said, crossing to the door of the barber shop, which opened with a jingle.

"What's that?" Burt asked as he shrugged on his coat and followed Vince out."

Jack smiled and flipped the sign on the door, so that to the public it would read, _Gone Fishing_.

After goodbyes were exchanged, Jack shut the door and locked it. "That was the bat signal, right?"

"It was. What were you going to do if it wasn't?" Daniel asked.

Jack crossed the room and looked over Daniel's shoulder at the laptop screen. "Just what the sign says - go fishing." Jack kissed Daniel's very smooth cheek, which was his own work from earlier in the day.  
"When do they want us?"

"ASAP - it wouldn't be the military if there wasn't an acronym," Daniel replied, letting his arm and shoulder rest against Jack for a moment before he began typing an e-mail. "Which means we'd better get going. I'm sending off notes about rescheduling tutoring. "

"Slave driver," Jack said as he took off his white coat and hung it on the hook and finished sweeping the hair into a pile.

"Don't forget to turn off the overly patriotic phallic object," Daniel said as he picked a dust pan and cleaned up the hair.

Jack made his way back to the front of the shop and peeked out the window at swirling barber pole outside. The shop had previously been a general store, before Jack bought it and installed the sinks and other equipment. He flipped the switch and said, "Red, white and blue _is_ traditional in this part of the galaxy." It was his second favorite reply, the first being that Daniel was the one who purchased it, because he knew Jack would love it.

Daniel grunted and packed up the laptop with a book or two as Jack moved onto the other lights and the high end coffee machine - Jack's gift to Daniel when they had moved. At first he had installed it in the cabin, but when it became apparent that Daniel was just going to make himself a second office in the back of the barber shop, Jack moved it in.

This was the routine – closing the shop down for a few days without notice. Being a barber had its advantages in a town too small for its own middle school and whose seasonal clientele spent most of their time wearing flannel. There were plenty of days when Jack left Daniel to watch the shop while he visited around town. It wasn't like Daniel minded being left alone or the inevitable slice of pie that Jack would bring him when he returned.

"All shut down and packed up. Are you ready?" Daniel asked.

"Let's go save the universe," Jack said.

***

It was a thirty-minute drive back out to the cabin. There were familiar turns and bumps due to the potholes, but instead of their usual chatter about what to have for dinner the two of them remained silent, stewing in their own pre-mission routine.

"When we get in, I'll grab the outdoor gear and close up the shed – do a perimeter check," Jack said.

Daniel nodded. "I'll go inside and get our packs – is your ready-pack actually ready?"

"I'll have you know that being prepared is one of the things they drilled into me during special ops, more so than in the Boy Scouts," Jack said.

"You didn't answer my question," Daniel said. "I seem to remember you going into that pack when we went camping a couple of weeks ago."

"But-" Jack started, but then knowing that he had been caught he chose gruff. "Are you going to try and tell me that you don't have enough snacks for both of us or that Carter would send us out into the unknown without food?"

"And how much extra snacking does that amount to? No wait, let me check myself."

Jack jumped a little as Daniel reached out and grabbed a piece of his ass. He deliberately nailed a pothole on the passenger side of the truck. "None, nada – no _extra_ snacking! I'm retired; I can eat as much as I want. No one is going to force me to run a mile and a half in fifteen minutes again." Jack hated that amused and smug look Daniel had on his face. "Are you saying you have a problem with my ass?"

"I love your ass and even the ever increasing size of it."

"Bastard."

"I'm just saying that you're retired until they send out a call to us and then you're not anymore. I'd think about checking-in with the remnants of the Goa'uld supporters and the Lucian Alliance before you decide that no one's going to force you run for your life again."

Jack slid to a stop into his usual parking place. "Tell you what, let's do a rowing contest before we decide to put me on that treadmill of yours, okay?" The fact was that every day when it wasn't raining or the pond wasn't frozen, he took out his rowboat to fish. Jack flexed a bicep before he pulled the keys out of the ignition. When he reached for the door handle, Daniel grabbed him by the shirt front and dragged him around so they were face to face.

"I like your rowing arms," Daniel growled. "Really, except for the parts of you that are hell bent on pissing me off, I really like all of you. But, Jack, there was more than one reason you decided that a desk job was better for you, and I believe those reasons are called your _knees_. I don't want to go out and not come home with you."

These visible signs of caring were really very nice and Jack loved every single one of them, even the ones he hated. "Okay," he said, letting out some pent up tension with his breath. "I hear your concerns, but I'm wondering if you realize that you're currently the age I was when I took that desk job." The fricking caring went both ways. " Daniel, I am not going to sit in this cabin and wait for someone in uniform to knock on it and start the conversation, _I regret to inform you..._ "

"It's not the same, not exactly."

"It's more the same than you want to admit," Jack said.

Daniel pulled him in closer and kissed him. "I love you, and I will pack extra power bars."

"I love you, and I will try not to eat them all," Jack replied and gave Daniel's treadmill-toned thigh a squeeze.

"We need to get going before Sam comes looking for us," Daniel said. "Besides, sex in the truck is never as good as it sounds."

Jack sighed and reached for the door. "No, it's not."

He never locked the truck or the shed or cabin for that matter, but Jack made sure there were no tools or picnic gear that would get damaged if a storm came when they were gone. Then he headed to the dock. Daniel was waiting for him, holding both their packs. Daniel's looked heftier, which was probably not a concession to Jack's more advanced age, but a sign that he brought the laptop and some books with him.

"I've got the fishing poles and tackle box," Jack said.

"Then we're ready, in more ways than one," Daniel said, as he climbed into the row boat and accepted the gear that Jack handed to him.

Jack smiled. "So is the prospect of the military tents or the guns that gets you going every time we're supposed to be walking out the door on a mission?"

Daniel frowned. "I kind of do, don't I? God, I hope it isn't the MREs."

"It'll be something to think about while we're not having sex," Jack said, as he untied the boat and climbed in.

"Isn't the whole 'no sex' thing one of the reasons we retired?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then why do we do this, again?" Daniel asked, as he pulled out a satellite phone.

"Well we usually get to see Sam and Teal'c and then there's the whole adrenaline thing," Jack said. "Oh and then there's the part where you don't know how to say no."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "You're just tempting me to see how many times I can get you to say yes."

"When do I ever tell you no?"

Jack saw Daniel's eyebrows shoot up. "Okay, when do I say it and actually mean it?"

"I can think of a time," Daniel said.

"When?"

Daniel said, "Sex," and pressed a button on the phone.

Since Jack almost never said no to sex, he wondered what Daniel, who was grinning ear to ear, was talking about. All words ceased momentarily as the background changed from the dusky light of a Minnesota fall afternoon to the crisp lines and artificial lights of the space vessel currently orbiting Earth. Before Jack could inquire, he heard Daniel say, "Toys."

 _Sex Toys._ Jack could feel the heat rise up his face from his neck to his hairline. The boat, and Jack's world view, tipped slightly to the left – neither could balance on its keel any longer. Daniel was grinning at him in a lopsided manner.

"The General, Dr. Jackson, and their _boat_ are safely onboard," said Mitchell. "Uhm, you two are all right, aren't you?"

Daniel was smiling at him evilly. Jack had been a general, he could be evil. "CARTER!"

"Colonel Carter is on the bridge," Teal'c said.

"Where the hell is the pond?" Jack climbed out of the boat, deliberately not offering Daniel a hand.

"Pond?" Mitchell stammered. Teal'c remained impassive, as if he wasn't impressed the last six times Jack had complained about beaming his rowboat onto dry space ship.

"Yeah, this is how we keep the neighbors at bay. We _go fishing_ when we come here. What's the problem with a little water to float the boat, so we don't look like a pair of drunken sailors when we come on board?"

Daniel finished shaking Teal'c's hand, stepped past Jack and extended his hand toward the very flummoxed Cameron. "If it helps, I make it a policy to ignore him when he's talking about fishing."

"Then do you ever have a conversation?" Teal'c asked. Jack planted a fist on his hip and gave him the glare he deserved.

Mitchell shook Daniel's hand, but cautiously observed Jack. "Good to see you, Daniel. Sir, I'll let Sam know about the whole pond issue."

Jack glared at their hands and then directly at Mitchell's face.

Mitchell wasn't dumb, that was one of the reasons Jack liked him. He took a step back and said, "Let's get you to your quarters so we can move onto the mission."

"Sounds good," Jack said, walking back to the boat to grab his gear. "By the way, since my boat is in dry dock, any chance of getting a new paint job?" He was satisfied by the silent looks he got from his companions. As a retired general, called back to do them a favor, Jack saw ball-busting as one of his natural responsibilities.

"We will wait in the hall," Teal'c said and both he and Mitchell stepped outside.

Daniel joined him at the boat. "So, my suggestion is really freaking you out."

"I am a retired general: I do not freak out."

Daniel handed Jack his pack. "You know, it's a little hypocritical for you. You sometimes do intimate things with razors." Daniel slowly ran his hand over his cheek.

"Completely different," Jack blurted out, the words stumbling over his tongue. Yeah, way to be confident Jack chided himself. He straightened his back. "There's a whole grooming thing going on, and I’m a trained professional. I've got a diploma to prove it."

Daniel pulled Jack into a kiss and then patted him on the butt. "How do you know I'm not a professional with the toys?" He was walking through the door before Jack could come up with an answer.

***  
"So we're staying on Earth," Daniel said.

"And we only get side arms," Jack added.

"Technically, sir, there may be no weapons. We're still working out the details. Since you'll be posing as Daniel's bodyguard, you may get a side arm," Sam said.

"Did you hear that, Daniel? I only have to pretend to protect you."

"General-" Sam started.

"This blows – why aren't we going home?" Jack demanded.

"Jack!"

Jack turned to his left and started to say, "Dan-" He blinked. Daniel blinked back. As one they turned toward Sam.

"You called me Jack," Jack said.

"It is your name, _Jack_ ," Sam said, looking at once strong, confident and uncomfortable.

"You used to call me General," Jack said.

"Yes, but-"

"Careful, Sam," Daniel called out.

"But you're retired." Sam finished.

"So we've come back to my question: why are we here?" Jack tipped his chair back and spread his hands on the table.

Sam closed her eyes tightly.

"Daniel tried to stop you, Sam," Mitchell said.

"He did. All right, this one is actually touchier than sending you through the gate. We could send anyone to the auction, posing as the agent for an anonymous buyer, but we need confirmation that the item is what we think it is, which means someone familiar with the program," Sam said.

"And because you need to keep your current personnel under wraps, you need someone who isn't current," Daniel said.

"And now we're irrelevant," Jack said. Sam rolled her eyes while Mitchell cringed. Daniel kicked him gently under the table. Apparently the decision had been made that they were doing it. To be fair, Jack's grousing wasn't to try and get them out of the mission; it was to score a better negotiating position on what he considered the perks of the job. It wasn't like they ever did this for the money.

"We believe that it is a Goa'uld device with a naquadah power source," Teal'c said

"Disguised as an Egyptian artifact that probably dates back to Ra," Daniel read from the briefing papers in front of him. "Fine, let's go. Jack, they can't all be gruesome camping trips in endless rain where we end up eating half-burnt, yak-like creature next to the campfire."

Jack signed. "I suppose not. Tell me there's a nice expense account with this one. We're high end buyers, right? Five star hotels?"

Sam stood and smiled. "This mission will be much too short for that – it should only take a few hours."

***  
"It's New York," Jack said. "We're not even out of the country."

"Worse," Daniel said.

"What?"

"We'll be done in a few hours; we won't have a chance to enjoy the city. Sam will be sending us back to Minnesota."

"Ha ha," Jack said with as much enthusiasm as he was feeling. Just to top off the less than exciting mission, they were in a place that Daniel loved and wouldn't get to see. Jack knew deep inside that Daniel loved him and actually did like aspects of living in the middle of nowhere, but he did get cabin fever. "You know, screw the Air Force and their three-hour, domestic missions. We'll get their thingy, hand it over and then turn down the free ride home this afternoon. We'll stick around a few days."

"How will we get the boat back? Scratch that – I did not ask about the boat! Do you mean that?" Daniel asked.

"We'll buy clothes, rent a car, and get a damned hotel room with more than three stars."

"I can't help but notice you didn't jump to five stars."

"A general's retirement is not as lucrative as it sounds," Jack groused, but couldn't keep it up when he saw the smile in Daniel's eyes.

"Fortunately, a government consultant's retirement salary goes further, but I'll see if I can spare you the sticker shock. Let's go inside and steal some Wi-Fi, so I can find us a last minute hotel deal," Daniel said.

"See, that's what I'm saying," Jack said. "Shatner's got nothing on you."

Jack was dressed as a body guard and Daniel was dressed as Daniel. It was amazing that how even when he did have the money to spend on nicer clothes, he always ended up looking like a disheveled academic. It was how Jack had seen him the first time and ultimately how he liked him best.

The sale was being held in a big name auction house. Most of the lots were high-end furniture and household goods with no particular theme. Their item was being billed as an interesting knick-knack. Most of the well-dressed crowd was milling through a large room with the items behind velvet ropes. Guides turned the items on request and highlighted the selling features.

By invitation, select lots, including the Goa'uld device, were available for hands-on inspection. The credentials that Sam had provided them with were enough to allow them to pass through a security check point where Jack was forced to check his gun. They were allowed their cell phones and 'video camera,' which had been enhanced to detect Naquadah. They weren't the only ones with extra electronics.

All in all the process was smooth – run like the Swiss clockwork that the auction house was renowned for. At least it was until it was their turn to inspect the device. There was a group of three people in front of them. Interestingly, they all matched. In the other groups, you could distinctly see everyone's role by how they were dressed – buyer, bodyguard, academic, banker, personal assistant, freaky artsy type. The man and two women in front of them were all dressed in inexpensive black suits. Their body language was more telling, as they watched the crowds.

Jack leaned down slightly toward Daniel's ear. "Heads up, I think we have a set of feds in front of us."

"FBI?"

"They're dressed too well for that, but maybe."

"One of the women has a British accent," Daniel said. "Maybe CIA?"

"Maybe trouble is what I think." Jack nudged Daniel to move closer. The woman with the accent was holding the piece with purple gloves while the other two were talking to a box. It was clunky for an iPhone, so their video conference was probably being handled by a satellite device.

"Our inspection time is almost up," the man sing-songed, as the woman with the phone tried to smile her group out of trouble with the auction attendant, who was obviously displeased with the delay.

The phone must have been set to speaker, because Jack heard a man say, "Pete, Myka, make her hold it up."

"Helena," the phone woman called to the lady in purple gloves.

Helena turned and slowly rotated the object in front of the phone. "As you can see, the artifact is in excellent condition, but I can't seem to confirm if it is the piece we're seeking."

"Well if they had let us bring in the neutralizer bath, we'd know," the man grumbled.

The women on the phone put on a fake smile and sharply said, "Pete!"

The man shook his head and held out his hands. "Myka, come on, I'm getting a vibe."

"I am too," Jack whispered. There was something about Myka that was familiar. "What do you think a neutralizer bath is?"

"Probably exactly what you think it is – trouble." Daniel took the video camera out of the bag and pointed it toward the group, focusing in on the faces. Jack touched the comm at his ear. "Dry Dock, check Compass's telemetry."

"We're receiving – three individuals. Is the gloved woman holding our target?"

"Roger on the target. Can you identify the school?"

"School?" questioned Sam.

"Of fish," Daniel replied, shaking his head, which just make Jack smile from the self-satisfaction. Daniel continued, "The names we've heard are Myka, Helena, and Pete."

"Working. Can you bring the detector closer to the device?"

"We were just going to do that." Jack nodded for Daniel to keep moving forward. "The good-looking brunette is familiar."

"Oh really, which one of the three good looking brunets?" Daniel asked, with a slight huffiness in his tone. Jack liked that – a little jealousy kept things interesting.

"The one on the right."

Daniel asked, "So you named me Compass - am I your moral compass?"

"No comment," Jack said.

Daniel scratched at his ear, probably muting the comm line. "Well, if I'm your compass, you should know that I plan on leading you into temptation."

The wicked grin Daniel gave him made _sex toys_ fly into the front of Jack's brain along with some blood to his face. More deliberately he muted his own comm. "Whether or not I follow depends on the number of stars on the hotel reservation you need to make." He unmuted.

Daniel's fingers casually brushed the comm unit back on, as he approached the auction attendant. He turned back for a moment and very clearly mouthed, _slut_. Before Jack could react, Daniel was addressing the attendant. "Excuse me, but we'd like to inspect this lot prior to the auction."

 _Bastard._ Jack thought. _My beautiful bastard._ Then he decided it was time to get his ass in gear and play the part of Daniel's bodyguard.

"Of course, sir," the attendant said to Daniel. Then he moved toward the monopolizing trio and read from a card. "Mr. Lattimer, Ms. Wells and Ms. Bering, I'm sure you can appreciate our time is limited."

In Jack's ear, he heard Sam say, "That makes it easy; give me half-a second." As promised, there was a short pause and Sam was back on the line. "Secret service. Bering and Lattimer are Secret Service agents. I don't have an identity on the other woman yet." Jack could tell from the expression on Daniel's face that he had heard the same message.

Daniel bent his head, so that only Jack could hear him. "Does that make sense? Shouldn't they be protecting the President or looking for counterfeiters?"

"Maybe there are plates with president's faces in that box," Jack said, quietly. "Dry Dock-"

"I've got more, Bassman. Well, possibly less. The two of them are on special assignment in Univille, South Dakota – it's near the Badlands. As for the nature of the assignment … I can't get to that, and if I can't-"

"Yes, I understand," Jack said out loud, because Daniel was handing him the camera. Helena Wells of the purple gloves was still holding the device, while Daniel accepted a pair of gloves that Bering urged him to take. Jack had seen so much weird stuff over the years that he had to wonder if the gloves were a good idea.

"I've never seen this type of glove used in museums or archeological digs," Daniel said.

"Oh, well I guess you haven't been keeping up, it's the latest –" Agent Lattimer started talking, but was elbowed by Bering before he could finish, assuming that Jack was keeping the names straight.

"It's new," said Agent Bering, looking uncomfortable, like she was fighting the urge to say more. A noise erupted from their phone. Bering slammed it shut and handed to Agent Lattimer, who took it toward an empty corner of the room.

"Yes, they are new. We find they reduce incidental damage from static electricity," Wells said. Then she smiled just a little too widely. "Really, it's better for the artifact."

"The three of them and the gloves are not glowing naquadah," Sam said into the comms. Daniel shrugged and put on the gloves. Finally Wells handed Daniel the device. Jack was able to point the detector at the shoebox-sized item with Egyptian ornamentation.

"We have confirmation of naquadah. Compass, if you concur on the aspects of construction, you have permission to proceed."

Daniel turned the object over in his hands, purple clad fingers hovering over painted glyphs. "This one says-"

Jack put a hand on his arm and nodded toward the two women who were very obviously hovering. Jack smiled at them. They smiled back and didn't budge. He turned to Daniel. "Have you seen what you need to see? Our buyer is pleased with the condition." Jack tapped the camera.

Daniel nodded. "I have what I need."

Wells held out her gloved hands again with a smile, but that faded when Daniel returned it to the attendant, who was wearing white cotton gloves. Both women jumped momentarily, like they thought a bomb might go off, and then they straightened up again. Bering got a little wide-eyed. There was something about her that was pinging Jack.

As they walked back toward the door, Daniel asked, "What the hell was that about?"

"Trouble," Jack said. "It's the only thing I can come up with." As he looked over his shoulder, Jack could see that the women had rejoined their partner on the far side of the room. There was an animated discussion going on, with the occasional glance thrown towards Jack and Daniel.

"So Secret Service – did you see Bering at some function in DC? They've got the resources of federal law enforcement. Can they figure out who we are?" Daniel asked.

Jack retrieved his side arm and holstered it. "I suppose I must have seen her in DC, maybe the White House, but I'm not sure. As for them, they can probably get our names, but not much beyond the fact that we're retired."

*

The two of them had taken aisle seats near the middle of the auction hall, where Daniel and his numbered paddle could be seen by the auctioneer, and they could both watch the cadre of secret service agents. "They're twitching again," Daniel said.

"I see," Jack said. "Look, our item is coming up next. I'll keep an eye on them while you pay attention to the bidding."

Daniel brushed his hand over Jack's thigh, disguising the motion with his auction paddle. Both familiar and intimate, Jack found himself at odds with himself – happy husband verses trained commando. Daniel was just Daniel no matter what he did and didn't have a dilemma over mixing personal with business – that is until it was time to make life and death call. That was why Jack was his perfect match. Jack stood up and turned toward Daniel as he stepped in front of him to get out of the aisle. With deliberate care, he brought his mouth to the side of Daniel's head away from the watching agents. "No sex on the job." Jack lightly brushed his cheek against Daniel's despite his words.

After he walked to the back of the room, Jack reassessed the situation. Nothing interesting should happen in this room, because the object wasn't even there. The lower value items would be brought in, one by one. However, the higher end items would be kept in the secure room where they had viewed the device. A video feed would be pumped in to the screen at the front of the room.

That was why Jack became very interested when Agent Bering left the trio and made her way out of the room. The other two stayed toward the front and looked like they were arguing.

"Compass, I've got to step out. We have a wandering fed."

"Acknowledged. Bassman, they look like they're fighting over the bidding paddle," Daniel said, sounding confused.

"Stay on your toes; it may just be a distraction." When he left the room, Jack went directly toward the entrance of the special viewing area. Sure enough, his target was waiting there. She looked nervous when she spotted him.

There must have been a camera flash somewhere, because Jack found himself blinking at something bright, but he didn’t slow down and went to stand right beside the Secret Service Agent who was now looking like she was on guard.

"Bored, Agent Bering?"

She didn't blink. "I don't know about you, General O'Neill, I've been on more interesting assignments. But then again, you're retired, right? I suppose that Dr. Jackson is a collector of Egyptian artifacts?"

"You've got an efficient information network, but nah, Daniel doesn't collect. He's doing a favor for a friend, while we're in New York."

"You're on vacation?" Bering asked, with an air of doubt in her voice.

"We're hunting wabbits."

Jack got a raised eyebrow for that one. "Actually, we're looking for books. Do you know how many books are in this city that this man hasn't read?" Jack smiled. "Three, which means there should be plenty of time to enjoy a good restaurant, and some hockey at the Garden. Do you know how many five-star hotels there are in this town, Agent Bering – well of course you don't because you're on a-"

"Government stipend," she filled in. "But I can look forward to five-star on my retirement pay?"

With a snort, Jack said, "No. But since we're doing our friend a big favor, I think that paying for a nice hotel room would be a small thing to ask."

"Dream on, Bassman," Carter said through the comm.

"Sort of a second honeymoon?" Bering gestured at Jack's hands where he suddenly realized that he had been spinning his wedding ring. He cursed himself, because until this moment he had never failed to take off a wedding ring during an undercover assignment. Not that they were undercover anymore, but that wasn't the point.

Then there was the whole gay thing. Jack had spent so much of his life in the closet compounded with his military training in what it really took to keep a secret, that he still felt blindsided when people noticed. He had gotten used to it back in Minnesota, because that was small town life – everyone was nosy about everyone else. But this was a stranger, far from home.

"I'm sorry," Bering said. "I've obviously said something that I shouldn't have."

"No you didn't. I just forget sometimes that I don't have any secrets anymore."

Sam, Daniel and Agent Bering all laughed. Bering's pocket made a noise like a 1959 Edsel. "Excuse me," she said as she walked away and opened the satellite phone thing. Jack caught a glimpse of a video screen with a bearded man with dark curly hair.

"This is Compass. Buy successful."

"Good work, Compass. Bassman-"

"Standing ready to retrieve the big fish," Jack said. The first ones out the door were Wells and Lattimer, who was twirling the auction sign. Jack smiled; it was something he'd do, which is probably why Daniel was in charge of their sign. A straight-laced rep from the auction house walked up to Lattimer and stiffly held out his hand. Bering was shaking her head as she stood next to Wells, whispering in her ear. Wells rested a hand on Bering's lower back.

Daniel came out of another door, escorted by an auction house representative and went to a table occupied by a bunch of guys in suits with computers. Through his earpiece he heard Carter feeding Daniel the information about bank accounts.

Across the corridor, the trio of secret service agents finished a conversation with their weird satellite phone. Lattimer put a big smile on his face, pointed at his partners, spun around and headed toward the front door, like he had won something. Wells and Bering exchanged some words and then Jack spotted Bering giving Wells' hand a squeeze. While Wells took off after Lattimer, Bering headed back toward Jack.

"General O'Neill," Bering said.

"Jack! I'm retired, remember. Besides, I can be magnanimous in victory."

She coughed into her hand and then slapped her hand against her thigh. "Yeah. Congratulations."

"Tell me, should I be busting that artifact open and looking for the plates to make C-notes?"

"General-"

"Jack. What about fifties?"

"Jack. I am not at liberty to discuss the nature of my mission." Then she leaned toward him conspiratorially. "But I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Jack nodded solemnly. "Thank you Agent Bering."

"Myka, please. I just wanted to apologize again if I was too nosey. A couples trip to the big city just sounded sweet."

Jack turned off the comm channel with the swipe of his finger. "Did we inspire you and Agent Wells?"

Myka inhaled sharply. She looked at him and then far off like she was thinking about it. "We're still debating if any of it is a good idea. The Service frowns on interoffice relationships."

"So did the Air Force, especially between people that share the same shower room. I gave them good years, but now I'm taking better years."

"That's...good, really good advice. Thank you. Enjoy your vacation, Jack." Myka turned and started quickly making her way toward the door.

"You take a vacation!" Jack shouted and then found Daniel at his elbow.

"Okay, let's make our delivery and then we'll book a hotel and take a vacation," Daniel said.

"Nope."

"Nope? Jack?"

Jack pointed at Myka heading through the front door. "She should take a vacation with her girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? The other agent?"

"Yup. They should take a vacation. We should take another honeymoon."

Daniel gave him a huge smile which faded into a frown as he moved his hand toward his ear. Instinctively, Jack turned his comm back on.

"If we could move past the government employee soap opera, and if Bassman could turn on his comm," Sam said.

"Dry Dock's gotten testy since they promoted her. Bassman, online," Jack said.

"Gentlemen, if we could focus," Sam said.

"We've got your six, Dry Dock."

"Big fish is on the way home," Daniel said.

***

Jack lay down on the lumpy motel room mattress and reminded himself that a 1940s motel outside of Univille, South Dakota was still better than an Iraqi prison, no matter how marginal the difference might seem at the moment. "Did you see the Leena's Bed and Breakfast? It looked nice. It probably has big claw foot tubs. Or, you know, it might be one of the modernized inns - vintage house with spa tubs built into every room."

Daniel came out of the bathroom; drying his face on what Jack guessed was the scratchiest piece of cloth in the universe. "I've noticed that you only talk about bathtubs when we're traveling. What is it about being away from home that puts you in the frame of mind for bathing luxury?"

"Are you complaining that I get into that frame of mind? Also, let's not side-step the lack of stars on the lodging."

Daniel sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingertips down Jack's five-o'clock shadow. "I don't mind at all."

"The missing hotel stars?"

"No, I kind of miss those, but not enough to whine about them."

Jack let his face pucker through annoyance into a glare.

Daniel moved his hand to squeeze Jack's shoulder. "I like the honeymoon attitude, which by the way, you project."

Jack put his hand on Daniel's knee. "What do you mean, project?"

"I mean that when you went to the car for our bags, the desk clerk of this establishment stopped me and said, 'You _can't_ quit him, can you.'" Daniel pulled his hands together over his heart and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, you don't like nice hotels or movies about gay cowboys. Personally, I'm a fan of both."

"The repetitive celluloid closet theme where the gay man ends up de-"

"Don't!" Jack put up a hand and sat up on the bed. "We already have too much of a relationship with the 'D-word' –"

"Which is exactly my point."

Jack slapped Daniel's knee. "Let's get back to the serious issue. Why can't Carter shell out for us to stay in the bed & breakfast?"

"Because Sam is still pissed off that the alien device that she paid considerable money for was a fake."

"It's not like it was her money and that doesn't explain why she's taking it out on us."

"Not that it's actually our fault, but we brought her the fake device, and she was paying us consultants' salaries to bring her the real one…"

"Oh," Jack frowned. "That would have pissed me off when I was in charge too. Still, a decent night's sleep in a good bed-"

"It also turns out that everyone we've met in purple gloves lives in the B&B," Daniel said.

"You know, I thought the universe would get over hating me when I retired, or at least when I became a barber."

Daniel opened his mouth to speak and ended up pursing it and squeezing his eyes shut. It was a look that Jack enjoyed causing. "We'll get back to the part where you think that barbers have a special place in the universe. Sam would like us to focus on the situation at hand. She had full background checks run on the Secret Service agents we met earlier, all of whom board at Leena's Bed and Breakfast." While Daniel spoke, he opened up his laptop and started a briefing presentation.

Pictures flashed on the screen. "Lattimer and your friend Bering-"

"Myka."

"Myka – you know, Sam wasn't very impressed with you making friends with the people stealing from us."

"Yeah, I noticed when she threw me out of the command center earlier. I was trying to be helpful." Jack huffed. Technically he wanted to be helpful, but since there was little he could do once he gave his account of the events at the auction house, he got bored. People used to tolerate that more when he was in charge.

Daniel opened his mouth and then let out a breath. "Actually, I know you were, but Sam's gotten used to running things her way, without your particular world view."

"Uhm – is that supposed to mean something? My world view?"

Daniel ran his fingers over the back of Jack's hand with a half-smile. "Hey, I married that world view."

It really sucked that they weren't on some reprise of their honeymoon. Daniel was right; Jack needed to focus. He had been doing his job earlier, but if he was being honest, he had been seduced by the 'hometown' location, civilized manners and the fact that this was supposed to be a cake walk. His edge had gotten dull earlier. "Daniel, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it right. I know I don't always act like it, but I swear I'm in the game."

Daniel nodded. "We're going to do what it takes. So Pete Lattimer and Myka Bering are regular Secret Service. "

"So I probably saw Bering somewhere in DC."

"Possibly, but possibly not. She was only assigned in DC for a few months, but before that she had been assigned to the Denver office of the Secret Service. You could have run into her in Colorado. Let's move on, there are more people to meet." Daniel pushed a button. "Helena Wells – her background is unclear. She is listed as an employee to this same secret project that Sam is having a hard time cracking. It's odd though. Bering, Lattimer and the other people at the inn have normal appearing service files. Sam couldn't even find a birth certificate on Wells."

"Did Sam-"

"Call in all the brass above her? Yes and it seems to be some black ops project, that we're surprisingly not involved in, called Warehouse 13. The three we met today all had the same address at the B&B. So Sam ran the other residents of the B&B. Arthur Nielsen –"

"I saw him," Jack said, sliding closer to the laptop. "Turns out that satellite phone they were carrying had video. He was on the screen."

"That makes sense. He's been attached to the project longest and presumably has some authority." Daniel pressed a button to advance the picture. "Claudia Dononvan, one of the newest members of the team."

"Her, there's something…" Jack was gesturing at the laptop and finally let his hands drop. He had never seen her before, yet there was something.

"You're reaction's interesting, because you kind of saw her," Daniel said and jabbed some keys. A video player rolled the security feed from the auction house. Jack was coming out of the auction room and heading over to chat with Agent Bering. There was a flash or a glitch on the screen.

"Is that the camera flash?" Jack asked.

"Not exactly, but it was something. Watch what happens after Sam did some computer magic."

The scene repeated but at a much slower pace, so that Jack was only moving an inch at a time. At the point where he thought a camera flash had gone off earlier, there was a red-headed blur moving between him and Agent Bering.

"How the hell? Is that some kind of time travel?"

"No idea," Daniel said. We're working on the assumption that since they were after Goa'uld technology that they already have access to advanced tech."

"And Carter is so mad at us that she sent us alone with only sidearms?"

"You heard, Sam. Her sketchy intel is telling her to tread lightly. Besides we're supposed to knock on their door and negotiate."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"I know; it's not your style, but it's hers."

"This is what I get for recommending brilliant and highly competent people for positions of authority," Jack said.

"Moving on," Daniel said. "Agent Steve Jinks, former FBI. Currently he's listed as being on medical leave. Sam couldn't find details, but he was in a medical facility for about four weeks."

"They're pulling from all over. No military?"

"Lattimer was a Marine before the Secret Service, but other than that, no military that we can find. Those are the players, which leads us to a piece of property about seven miles from here."

"The place that has some kind of force field around it," Jack said

"Sam said it's listed as Government Storage Facility K39ZZZ," Daniel said.

"Hmm, and they live at the B&B," Jack mused.

Daniel turned his head and looked at Jack like he was an interesting artifact. "What are you thinking?"

"How many more people live at the B&B?"

"Uhm, five people that are definitely on the government payroll and the innkeeper. The accounting books are locked tighter than everything else, but Sam said there's about forty people billing the project all together, with the vast majority of them scattered across the country."

"Only five..." The military wheels in Jack's head started turning about how one secured top-secret materials.

"Jack?"

"Huh?" He blinked and gave Daniel's knee a squeeze. "Check my thinking. The SGC is huge and has hundreds of people to maintain it, beyond the active gate teams. Area 52 and Broom Lake are both much smaller, but even if you took away all the scientists working there, the military complement for security still runs from a couple of dozen up to seventy or eighty people."

"Right. Where are you going?" Daniel face had a thoughtful frown.

"There's no way that they mount a permanent guard out there unless there's a barracks that we don't know about."

"So you think the place is unguarded?"

Jack shrugged. "Maybe we should have Carter scan the inn and see how many people are home tonight. Then maybe we could take a drive."

***

The way Jack saw it, if he wasn't going to have a nice bed to sleep in, he might as well be out working. Using the GPS coordinates that Sam had given them, they traveled down a county road to a dirt turn off on the right. They ran out of road at a field gate, which Jack got out of the car to open and then close again, once Daniel had driven the car through. They traveled over a grassy field onto the rock hard dirt and gravel of the Badlands, and against all expectations, found a building.

Daniel stopped the car about a hundred meters away. They both walked around the car and leaned on the hood. "It screams 'top secret government installation,'" Jack said, angling his voice to imply sarcasm, but there was something about it that really did remind him of Broom Lake, Area 51 and Cheyenne Mountain.

"It screams 'World War II,'" Daniel said.

"It's supposed to scream that, because it's a secret government installation." Jack said. "Steel buttresses, welded-metal armor, reinforced concrete, no windows. It's a bunker, a hardened silo-it's meant to keep people and nuclear explosions out."

Daniel shrugged. "And in theory house alien technology. You know, it does kind of look like Broom Lake."

Jack nodded and slapped his hands against his thighs. "It's big enough to hold a battalion or three."

"But no one at the convenience store or gas station talked about soldiers coming into town. They just said the IRS had something going on out here."

"That's brilliant, you know?" Jack said, folding his arms over his chest. "No one wants to mess with the IRS."

"I suppose we should actually make an attempt to get in, barring machine gun turrets or things actually shooting at us," Daniel said, frowning at the building as he put the palms of his hands on the hood and leaned back.

"Yup."

"We're running on the assumption that this place is essentially unmanned. Therefore it should have automated systems. Where are the defenses?"

"Let's find out." Jack tapped his earpiece. "Bassman calling Dry Dock."

"Dry Dock online, conferencing Compass."

"Compass checking in," Daniel said and touched his ear piece.

Jack asked, "Dry Dock, what's the status of the building in front of us, reading any life forms?"

"Bassman we're...We're not reading a building."

Daniel looked at Jack and Jack looked at Daniel.

"One hundred meters north of our location," Jack said.

"There's a black spot in our readings."

"Uhm, not to quibble, Dry Dock, but you don't sound sure, and it's a pretty large building," Daniel said.

"Are you sure it's not a hologram?"

Jack didn't believe that this was the intel Carter was giving him. "We're-" Jack stopped when Daniel touched his arm.

"We didn't actually go up and touch it."

Jack pushed off the car. "That's because everyone tells me we should be cautious and not just rush in. Dry Dock, keep an eye on us, we're going in for a closer look." Jack started walking and was pleased to see that Daniel was right beside him, rooting through the bag he was carrying. Finally Daniel pulled out the special camera he had used to observe the device in the museum.

Daniel pointed it toward the building and stopped. Looking over Daniel's shoulder, Jack could see on the screen that there was a strange aura around the building. "That doesn't look like the naquadah signature that the device at the auction had," Jack said.

"No it doesn't, but it looks like something," Daniel replied and touched his ear piece. "Dry Dock, are you getting the feed from the camera?"

"Compass, we are not receiving that telemetry, and we're seeing interference on both your signal and Bassman's. How close to the structure are you?"

"Ten meters," said Jack, as he checked the sidearm in his jacket. "You ready?"

Another guy would have asked, _for what_ , but not Daniel. Daniel was probably more curious than Jack and knew that it was time to try and get inside the enigma in front of them. Once the camera was tucked in the bag, and Daniel had checked his own side arm, he nodded.

"Dry Dock, we're heading in."

"Roger," said Sam "Watch yourselves - I'm not sure I can beam you out of there."

Jack stood a little straighter and looked at Daniel, questioning with his eyebrows. Daniel answered with his and then took the lead. It was all right with Jack, because he got to watch Daniel's six this way – literally and figuratively.

An exterior light shined on a door-shaped panel on the building. There was no handle visible. In typical Daniel fashion, he went up to the door, looked for signs or a doorbell or something else that would indicate the trappings of politeness. Personally Jack would have just tried to open the door, but Daniel was Daniel, and Jack wouldn't have it any other way. Finally Daniel shrugged and tried tugging at the metal seams.

"Dry Dock, we have no obvious means of ingress – the door is locked. Over." Jack and Daniel both got a burst of static. Jack heard the word _describe_ come out.

"Dry Dock, we have a metal armored door with no handle. I say again, a metal armored door with no handle."

The response was full of static, but Jack made out, "Bassman, check your pack. … door knob. Over."

Obediently, Jack opened his pack and pulled out the first thing he didn't recognize. It was about the size of a large can of tuna with a keypad and a hand hold. "It's heavy." Running on instinct, Jack put it up against the door and it stuck.

"Dry Dock, is the thing I just stuck to the door, going to explode?"

Daniel looked at him surprised and then looked critically at the round object on the door, but he didn't run.

"---red button---" Sam's voice crackled out.

Daniel reached for the red button.

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"What if we're not supposed to touch the red button?"

Daniel pushed the red button. "I'm betting that Sam wouldn't blow us up." There was the sound of metal things moving.

"How mad was she at me?"

"True," Daniel frowned and then smiled. "I don't think she wants to blow me up."

Jack gave him the finger.

"Bass---, press the red button. -----magnetic lock pick. Black button---- release-"

"Ah," Jack said. "Although if this doesn't work, a block of C4 might be the way-"

There was a mechanical noise like a large bolt being thrown and the door opened.

"Well," Daniel said.

"We can barely talk to back-up now, so we're basically on our own," Jack said, studying but not touching the door.

"You know," said Daniel. "We've probably just tripped some security system and alerted our friends from the B&B, which is only seven miles away."

"Uh-huh, then we should move this adventure along," Jack replied.

Daniel shrugged and pressed the black button, releasing the lock opener into his hand. Jack took it from him as Daniel stepped through the door. He looked up down, all around and finally shrugged. "Stairs down, lighted hallway."

"Dry Dock, we're going in." Jack followed and the pushed the door open again, looking around. He picked up what he thought was a rock and turned out to be a real life leather football from the era before he was born. He used it to block the door, just in case.

Daniel waited at the bottom of the stairs for Jack. The hallway was narrow, metal lined, distinctly military looking even without the explosive charges that lined it.

"Explosive charges, never fun. I would say that that counts as an automated defense," Jack said.

"There's a box down at the other end. Think it's a keypad?"

"Keypad, fingerprint reader, retinal scanner – could be any of them. Did Carter pack anything special for you?" Jack asked.

The both opened their packs, going through the equipment.

"Huh, she packed me an extra pair of glasses," Daniel said.

"I win; she packed me better stuff," Jack said, smiling at his prize.

"Yeah, well you may think the magnetic lock pick is cooler than spare glasses, but you'll never convince me of it."

"Not talking about that." Jack pulled out a plastic bag. "Oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips instead of raisins."

"Oh, those."

"What do you mean, oh those?"

"Where do you think Sam baked those on board he _Hammond_? I'm the one who loved you enough to bring cookies."

"Oh! Well screw Sam and her mission that's probably about to get us blown up. "

"Don't start telling Sam that you'll work for snacks."

"I am not Scooby Doo," Jack said.

Daniel opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "No, no you're not. Let's get out of here before we blow up."

They headed back up the stairs out into the star filled night. Jack picked up the football, as he let the door close behind him. On a whim, he drop kicked it.

Daniel stopped in his tracks. "Did you do that? How did you do that? It must have traveled half-a-mile."

"Told you I don't need any extra exercise. That was really freaking weird, wasn't it?"

"What do you mean weird, Bassman? Status," Sam's voice came through the ear piece.

Jack asked. "Dry Dock, can you beam something to crack an unknown security device that's rigged to high explosives?"

"Negative. That's a bust, gentlemen. Head back to base and report your findings. We'll move to Plan B tomorrow."

They started walking toward the car and Daniel said. "They had to have had cameras in there someplace. I think that Plan B may meet with some difficulties, since they'll know about this visit."

"What I want to know is how the hell can we be sitting with a space ship above us and not be able to get into something man-made?"

"Man-made, but possibly alien powered. Let's face it, Sam can't see through their shields, and they were after a Goa'uld artifact. They must have some serious technology in there."

"We'll probably have to come back with an assault force, although why the hell we should have to do that when we all work for the US government is beyond me. Geez, didn't we have enough of this crap with the NID? A freaking warehouse of dangerous technology, I swear if I find out that Maybourne has anything-"

Daniel slapped Jack's chest, stopping them both in their tracks. "Jack! This is a warehouse full of alien technology."

Daniel was re-stating the obvious, which probably meant that he had an idea, which may or may not bode well for Jack. "Ye-ah, we figured that out a while ago."

"I've done this before; I know how we can get in."

"You know-"

"Get in the car. We should pretend like we're leaving," Daniel started jogging toward the sedan.

Jack sighed and said, "Sure!" to Daniel's retreating back. He jogged to catch up, wondering why his knees ever agreed to doing this sort of thing anymore. When he got to the car, Daniel had his door open but was still standing outside, while he chatted with Sam. They both climbed in at the same time and Jack gave him the 'explain it to me in small words' look.

Daniel started the car and pointed it toward town. "Sam just checked and there's no movement from the B&B. Either they're not monitoring, or we didn't annoy them enough."

"Should I have tried harder? Anyone who has a set-up like that is monitoring," Jack said.

"But you wouldn't send out a security force for a coyote or a couple of drunken teenagers, would you?"

"Wouldn't need to, not with the shield and the layers of security that we can't see."

"And even if it was a couple of guys like us who might be after their stuff?" Daniel asked.

"I'd sure as hell watch them," Jack thumped the dashboard with his fingers. Then he thought about it. "But I wouldn't necessarily get out of my comfy chair if I could watch them remotely."

"That's my thought."

"Wait. I thought you said you knew how to get in?"

"I do - or at least I thought of something to try. Let's get back to our room to fully cover our tracks."

"Yeah, but what are we going to do once we get back there?"

"Have Sam beam us up to the _Hammond_."

"Okay, the _Hammond_ has comfier beds than the motel, but we still won't be able to beam into the warehouse."

"I know," Daniel said as he threw the car into park and go out.

Jack let out a breath and followed Daniel, because it would be easier to yell at him that way. Jack was going to yell if he didn't get a clear answer soon. He put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the handle and locked the door behind him.

Daniel nodded at him. "Dry Dock, bring us in, I've got an idea."

Before Jack could ask again what was going on, he was standing on the _Hammond_.

"Come on," Daniel said and led the way out into the corridor where Sam met them.

"Where are we going?" Sam asked.

"I don't know; Daniel's got an idea," Jack said, and then he frowned when Daniel lead them into the Ring Room.

"Why do you think they have Rings?" Sam asked.

Daniel shrugged. "It's a warehouse that's apparently loaded with alien technology. Look, if they don't have rings, nothing will happen, no harm, no foul." Then he stepped into the middle of the platform, obviously waiting for Jack.

"Wait!" Jack said, extending his hand. "Do you have a mini-MALP or something, Carter?"

"It would take time-"

"We're out of time," Daniel said.

"Daniel, riding the rings or a gate blind to escape a Goa'uld ship - I'm all for it. But not when we're retired!" Jack said.

"But we're-" Daniel opened his mouth and then shut it. Then he glared at the ceiling. Jack was trying to remember when the last time they had a fight that potentially involved life and death decisions, when Daniel said, "Okay, you're right."

"As I usually am," Jack said, trying to hide his relief with some bluster.

Daniel pulled the camera from his bag, punched some buttons and put it on the platform.

"That'll work, but it needs to be higher," Sam said and ordered a couple of Marines assigned to the area to get her an empty box. Into the comm line, she said, "I need an update on the surveillance at the Bed and Breakfast," and followed that up with a rapid fire set of commands about the mission, the ship and the surveillance.

"Damn, she's good," Jack said and pulled a flashlight from his pack, turned it on, and handed it to Daniel. "So are you. Might be dark in there." That earned him a smile.

The Marines came back in and along with them, Teal'c and Mitchell. They were geared up and Jack wondered if Sam was pissed off enough to say that his and Daniel's services were no longer needed. But apparently they were, because they were being handed helmets, ballistic vests, zats and everything one could wish for if one were about to join into a tactical assault.

Jack looked at the tag on his vest as he put his arm through and pulled it over his head. "Hey, I take a size smaller."

"No you don't," said Teal'c. He pulled the Velcro flaps together on the side, and gave Jack an affectionate slap on the chest, or at least that was how Jack was reading it. When he looked down one side and then the other, he noticed it fit perfectly.

Jack frowned at Daniel, because Daniel might be right about the whole snacking thing. "How'd you do?"

"No idea – I was smart enough not to look."

A gray case was on the ring platform, and Sam was positioning the camera and the flashlight. Then she took advantage of the added height of the platform to address them. "Gentlemen, we have to assume that if the camera shows us the operation is a go, our opponents will know that we've breached their perimeter. That means that we'll need to get you in and out as fast as possible. I'm changing the mission parameters. Retrieving the original target, the Goa'uld device, is of secondary importance. I want to know who these people are working for and what they're armed with. Mitchell, you're leading Blue team in first."

Carter paused and deliberately looked at Jack, who noticed that everyone else was also looking at him. The urge to fight for command was hovering right in front of him, but Daniel was standing right next to him ready to back him or maybe talk him down. "Hey, I'm just a barber, who remembers dreaming about being a General."

Teal'c cocked and eyebrow and ran his hand over his perfectly smooth chin, courtesy of Jack's brief visit between the auction house and Univille. "You are most skilled with a blade."

"You better be a ninja with those razors, _General_ ," Mitchell said. "I'm counting on you to have my six."

Sam nodded. "If you can't establish communications, ring back with your status. Everyone has a ring remote, in case the main control panel isn't available. The pound sign is just like speed dial. Pound one is the most common Goa'uld ring code. Two is the Ancients and three is the Ori rings."

"And four is?" Jack asked.

"My birthday, so now you don't have an excuse for sending me birthday gifts on random days," Sam said.

Jack could hear Mitchell covering a snort, but Sam was on a roll and not stopping.

"Based on your status, we'll send in Major Fuentes with Red team to be your back-up and maintain access to the ring platform. If you don't ring back with status, I will activate the rings on the two minute mark. Colonel Mitchell."

Mitchell moved forward as Sam stepped off the rings. "General O'Neill and Dr. Jackson did some reconnaissance for us. If we can't come back the way we came, we'll have to fight our way out of the building and clear the perimeter by…"

"Twenty meters for communication," Jack filled in.

"Make it one hundred to insure safely beam out," Sam said.

"A hundred meters and then the _Hammond_ can beam you back. If we can't communicate with the _Hammond_ , Major Fuentes, your team will be our link through the rings. Any questions?"

"Good," Sam said. "Stand clear; here we go." Mitchell jumped off the platform as Sam tapped a key on the control panel. The rings moved up from the base of the platform encasing the objects with light, letting everyone know that they were actually working. When the rings fell again, the camera was gone and replaced by the contents of someone's attic – a couple of dusty crates, one marked fragile, an old dollhouse and a brass teakettle.

"Bridge, give me the status," Sam said.

"Colonel Carter," a voice said from the loudspeaker. "Targets are still neutral."

"Keep up the surveillance. I want to know the minute any of them move," Sam said loudly, and then to the teams, "It's hard for me to believe that they have a force field like that and didn't detect the rings."

"Then let's get the camera back," Jack said.

Sam nodded and worked the controls. The rings rose and fell, returning their makeshift-MALP. "Grab the camera!"

Fuentes grabbed the camera and passed it to Sam while the rest of Red team cleared the ring platform. Jack stepped onto the platform with Mitchell's team.

A screen behind Sam lit up, showing more of the odd assortment of items like the ones that had appeared on the platform. The camera was static, so their information was limited. "It's not much, but it looks clear," Sam said. "Bridge, status."

"No movement."

"Colonel, Blue team has a go," Sam said.

"Gentlemen," Mitchell said.

It was like riding a bike for Jack. He popped on his protective glasses, double checked that the safety was off, and faced out of the platform. Teal'c was to his left and Daniel to his right.

"Godspeed," Sam said.

"We don't need any gods – real or otherwise." Mitchell said. "We'll be home in no time!"

Jack wished there was some wood to knock on, as he looked to Daniel, who was looking back at him.

"All clear," shouted Mitchell and the rings came up around them. In the space of a breath or two, they were standing in a dimly lit warehouse.

***

The ring platform was in a sea of storage racks that must have gone up fifty feet, maybe more. Jack was looking down a narrow aisle at the ends of the racks. Instinctively he checked on Daniel, who'd drawn the lucky straw and was looking into the racks next to the platform. He was staring at a creepy-looking toy monkey that had cymbals in its hands. Jack tapped him with his elbow and they stepped off the platform into a much wider aisle. There was no need to look; he felt Teal'c and Mitchell doing the same thing on the other side of the platform.

The layout appeared to be long wide aisles – really long. Jack was having a hard time seeing the ends of the building. It was like it was bigger on the inside than on the outside. More likely it was dug deeper underground like an iceberg, rather than some kind of weird alternate dimension, but Jack wasn't ruling anything out.

Mitchell said in a low but clear voice, "Dry Dock, this is Blue Team leader, do you read." All Jack heard in his earpiece was static. He also was annoyed that Mitchell was going with a boring team name instead of sticking with the nautical theme that Jack had established.

"That was not unexpected," Mitchell said, as he a put a piece of paper on the ring platform under a MRE. "Stand clear. Testing pound one."

Jack and Daniel moved a few feet further down away as Mitchell successfully activated the rings. It figured the code was Goa'uld. The platform was once again filled with the collection of junk that had appeared on the _Hammond._. Major Fuentes' team would be joining them soon and could worry about clearing the stuff off.

"Blue Team, report."

"Bassman checking in. There is no sign of surveillance."

"Roger, Bassman," said Mitchell

Jack looked back and could see that Teal'c and Mitchell had ranged a few aisles further from the platform.

"Mosquito-Bait checking in." Score one for Jack's lake-front fishing theme. Teal'c continued, "It appears to be a storage facility with wider aisles interspersed with narrower cross-aisles. We are standing in a cross-aisle."

The rings were revving up. Daniel was frowning down the length of one of the main aisles. Jack was about to nudge him to check-in. Jack thought that for the sake of marital bliss, Daniel had better check-in as Compass, when Daniel asked, "Is that purple lightning?"

Turning to look down the aisle with Daniel, he saw a spider web of purple lightning, anchored to items on the racks. The connecting strands were jumping from item to item, heading straight toward them.

Jack shoved Daniel, who was already diving down. They hit the cement floor hard, just in time to miss a direct hit. The static or fallout or whatever the purple stuff was stung a little, and Jack could feel every hair on his body standing on end. But instead of continuing down the aisle, it made the turn into the cross-aisle. There was the distinctive whoosh and light of the rings behind them.

"Jack!"

"Right here, Daniel!"

"I know," Daniel grunted." You're crushing me on top of my weapon."

He was kind of was half-on-top of Daniel, and while he might be willing to argue for an extension of the arrangement in other circumstances, Jack knew this wasn't the time. A wave of lighting ran about four feet over their heads toward the rings which had come up and down at least twice since they hit the floor. Jack moved to Daniel's side and started crawling forward. Daniel was moving beside him and then rolled on his back.

"Ho-ly!" The look on Daniel's face wasn't good when Jack looked back. Following suit, he rolled over. The entire aisle they were in was conducting purple lightning, strange object to weirder thing, toward the ring platform. "Next aisle!" Daniel called.

Not waiting for a response and not needing to, Daniel rolled over and crawled back to the cross-aisle where the rings were, and headed away toward the next wide aisle. When Jack glanced at the rings, they were out of control and moving erratically – some moving up and others moving down at the same time. The cross-aisle had lightning, but not nearly as much as the main aisle they'd just left.

The next aisle over was calm, relatively speaking. Daniel sat up with his back against an old steamer trunk and Jack followed suit, pulling out his radio. "Blue Leader, Mosquito-bait, do you read?" Jack heard static. He waited a moment or two and tried again. Daniel had pulled out his radio and tried to raise Sam.

They both put down their radios and looked at each other. "Why do we do this, again?" Daniel asked.

Jack shrugged.

"Right. We've got to find them." Daniel started to move, but Jack reached out and held his arm. "Did you just see-"

"I saw, and we need to get out," said Jack. "I want to find them too and screw any mission parameters – we're done, the place is dangerous."

"You just want to get out?" Daniel demanded.

"Hey! I only pretend to be bugged by Mitchell, and if he would have dated me, Teal'c might have been wearing that ring on your hand." Jack frowned as he looked at Daniel's left hand. "You took off your ring?"

"Yeah, some hardass colonel once told me not to give the enemy any personal details." Daniel pointed to Jack's finger. "I guess your ass is going soft in more ways than one."

"You think I'd have developed calluses there based on the number of times a day that you-"

"Jack! Can we get back to saving Teal'c and Mitchell, assuming they need saving?"

"I think we should get out because then we'll be able to contact Carter for back-up and will have opened a way into this monstrosity for the cavalry. Besides, they were further away from the platform than we were. There's a good chance they're working on a way out right now."

Daniel chewed his lower lip. "That's very …reasonable."

"Don't sound so shocked, it happens every once in a while." A lightning bolt struck something about six feet away, forcing them both to sink down and cover their heads. "It looks like the further we get form the rings -"

"The less lightning there is," Daniel finished. "Let's get to the next aisle and see how far we can get."

"The door we were trying to get in is that way." Jack pointed. "Once we get to the next aisle we head that way. It's our best chance of getting out and reconnecting."

Daniel nodded and started crawling to the next aisle.

Jack got on his belly, and immediately had an internal debate about where this experience fell in the realm of training exercises. Overall, he decided creeping along on a smooth cement floor was easier than a mud pit with a low ceiling of barbed wire. However even live rounds going off around you in special ops training wasn't as nerve-wracking as not knowing when an electric purple pulse was going to whiz too close to things that he cared about, like his head or Daniel.

When he reached the cross-aisle, Daniel rolled onto his side and Jack could see him pointing a box at the Rings. He crawled up next to Daniel so he could get a view.

"Did you try all the remote codes?" Jack asked.

"All the quick ones that Sam programmed in. None of them, not even the Goa'uld codes, are working."

"Let me try something." Jack pulled out his zat and fired it at the rings. As he pulled the trigger, it was like the lightning reached out and ripped the weapon from his hand, sending it down the cross aisle and away from the rings.

"Are you all right?" demanded Daniel.

Jack liked how Daniel hadn't called him an idiot. "I'm fine – just some tingling in the fingers."

With a nod, Daniel rolled on his belly and continued crawling down the cross-aisle, further from the rings. "What were you thinking? Firing a weapon at the thing giving you a problem is usually not-"

Jack rolled his eyes and ducked with Daniel. As they made their way to the next aisle, Jack picked up the zat and holstered it in time to see that there were things falling from the sky. Both he and Daniel moved up the aisle in the direction they wanted to go.

When he looked up, Jack saw two people flying down a zip cord from what looked like a balcony a half a mile away. The distances were all distorted because Jack was on his stomach and the racks were crammed with stuff were way too high and in the end, the place was weird. "Heads up!" Jack shouted. The bodies shot past them and landed about six feet further down the aisle. Jack was on his feet, aiming his weapon, knees bent in case he needed to dodge a bullet or some lighting.

Daniel was next to him – a little ahead of Jack like he was taking the lead or protecting him. It was sweet, but completely wrong, because Jack knew that everything that Daniel knew about being a warrior Jack had taught him.

"Back me up, big guy," Daniel said and rushed closer to the newcomers. He stopped to hide behind a wooden crate with hay falling out the sides.

It occurred to Jack, as he took cover behind a crate overflowing with ceramic urns that Daniel sounded just like Mitchell. Jack knew that he should have never taken that promotion to DC.

"You're trespassing on US government property. Put down any weapons, kick them into plain sight and then step into the aisle with your hands on your head!" a voice he knew shouted at them – a woman he knew.

"Well, Myka, as it turns out, we _are_ the US government!" Jack shouted back.

"I thought you were retired?" replied Myka.

"Are we actually having this conversation?" Daniel asked.

"It would seem like a better idea than resorting to firearms or a prolonged standoff where the warehouse is likely to inadvertently, or possibly intentionally, kill us all," said Wells.

There was a long pause with the only sounds being the buzz of the lighting. Finally Jack couldn't stand it anymore. "Go ahead, Daniel. She sounds reasonable, which is a language you speak."

"It took you twenty years to admit that?"

"Daniel!"

"Fine. We're representing a government program that monitors the use of alien technology. This facility is in possession of certain items that belong under our care."

"For the love of-" Myka said. "Jack, are you going to tell me that you believe in aliens? I thought that I only had conversations like this with Pete."

"I believe that I was responsible for the only _alien_ attack, back in 1962," Wells said.

"When you were in a cradle?" mused Jack.

"Let's just say it was my bronze phase."

"Helena!"

"Look," Wells said. "I believe it's been said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

"Asimov," Daniel said, as Jack found himself mouthing _1962_ and _bronze_?

"I believe that you are confusing terrestrial objects – advanced ones to be sure- for alien devices."

"Or maybe you're attaching mystical mumbo-jumbo to -" Jack started, but Daniel waved him off.

"Obviously this is not something we're going to solve in a short amount of time," Daniel said.

"Or at least not in the amount of time that it's going to take one of us to get hit with purple lightning," Jack said.

"Agreed," Myka said. "Based on what we can see, you somehow activated the Child's Stage, and it's somehow setting off an energy chain reaction."

"Child's what?" Jack said.

"That's what the index card above the rings said," Daniel's said. "I didn't get to read it fully, because that creepy monkey was staring at me, but it said something about children disappearing and reappearing."

With all the weird and icky stuff they had found on archeological sites and alien temples, it was a stuffed monkey that was going to freak Daniel out? Jack wondered why they were here again.

"It didn't ring the cymbals, did it?" demanded Wells.

Daniel frowned at Jack, who shrugged back.

"No," Daniel said.

Both women were breathing audible sighs of relief. "Thank god. The last time-" Myka suddenly clammed up and Jack found himself desperately wondering what could have happened.

Despite the lightning and occasional crash of a falling object, there was too much silence for Daniel. "We agree that the Ring Platform is probably the trigger of all this – whatever this is. We've worked with many of these devices and none of them have ever generated purple lightning."

"All our records show that this is the only Child's Stage in the world. It was kept in a palace in the Byzantine Empire and there were reports of children disappearing and reappearing with missing memories," Myka said.

"This planet," Jack snorted and looked at Daniel. "Goa'uld? But it's not like them to return things or people."

"No it's not," Daniel said. "Loki fits that MO."

"Wow, is that supposed to make me feel any better?" Jack asked.

"But it might mean that the ring platform would respond to an Asgard shut down command."

"What are Goa'uld?" Helena asked.

"For guys that are claiming alien technology, you're discussing the Norse Gods a little too much," Myka said, laying on the skepticism.

"Aren't you curious about how we got here?" Daniel asked, as he stepped into the open, his weapon held across his body with the muzzle pointing down. Jack nearly slammed his head against the nearest hard object. What was it he saw in the crazy guy in front of him?

Myka and Wells stepped out from their cover. Both had weapons in their hands, but they were pointed down. "We are very curious," Myka said.

"Jack," Daniel said.

"Fine, we're apparently doing this," Jack huffed. He pulled his weapon close and allowed it to point toward the floor. He joined Daniel about six feet away from the women, who were crouched because of the lightning.

Wells pointed at Jack's holstered zat. "That came from the other side of the warehouse. How did you get it here?"

"Are you sure?" Myka asked.

"Yes, it's a one of a kind, housed with the electrical based weapons."

"Then where did mine come from?" Daniel asked, as he moved his hip to highlight the zat holstered there.

Helena started saying, "You have to be careful with those devices-"

"First shot stuns; second shot kills," Jack and Daniel said in unison. Daniel tossed him half a smile. "We've been using them for almost twenty years, we know."

"By the way, far from one of a kind," Jack said.

"That's just doesn't seem possible. In all of my years as a Warehouse Agent-"

Myka put a hand on Wells' arm, stopping whatever it was she was going to say.

Jack was watching the women as and the surroundings as Daniel spoke. "Look, we know you're associated with some government black op called Warehouse 13. Maybe there's something more to all this but in the meantime-"

"Duck and cover!" Jack shouted, pushing Daniel toward the nearest rack. While they had been speaking he saw a colossal ball of purple lighting round the corner from the rings. When he looked up, he was pleased to see that women didn't need to be told twice.

Jack watched carefully as Wells passed something to Bering, but he could see that it was only a pair of safety glasses, which she put on. When Bering picked herself up, then it all locked into place. "That's where I know you from!" Jack said, standing up. "You're the geeky girl from Bering and Sons!"

"Where?" Daniel asked, getting up.

"Bering and Sons. It's a bookstore in Colorado Springs. I used to go in there every Thanksgiving and shop for your Christmas present. I used to spend hours shooting the breeze with the owner."

"Hours? Jack, those books were the crappiest translations that I have ever read. You must have offended the owner." Daniel's eyebrows shot up as he looked at the women. "And I'm guessing that's not the only person you've offended."

"Jackson, don't you dare blame my father for those books. _He_ asked for crappy translations. I guess I didn't recognize you right away because I was trying to blot my _geeky_ phase out. A girl wears glasses and the first thing you do is pigeon hole-"

"But I like geeks," Jack said and implored Daniel with his eyes, which didn't seem to be doing him any good.

Daniel turned to Myka. "I feel your pain, but to be fair, he's not lying about liking geeks. Just be glad you were young. I got stuck marrying him."

"I'd have stopped if you had ever picked up on the pattern in the books," Jack said, attempting to mollify.

Daniel looked at him good and hard. "You're lying."

"Okay, yes, I am. Look, do you know how many hours you ranted about those books? I love the sound of your voice."

"That's endearing, in a twisted way," said Helena.

"Unless he was lying again," added Myka, still sounding offended.

A nearby lighting strike sent them back to the floor.

"We've got to contain the energy!" Myka said, as she picked herself up again.

"What do you need us to do?" Daniel asked.

There he was, being reasonable again.

Myka looked skeptical.

"We want to get out of this in one piece, and frankly we were shocked when we couldn't dig up the dirt on your black op," Daniel said.

Jack shrugged at Daniel and then at Myka. "Look we did activate the rings - the child stealing thingy." Jack waved his fingers toward the platform.

"It's a transportation device," Daniel said. "We started on a similar device. If we could talk to the people that sent us, then they may be able to disconnect on their end. Our radios-"

"Won't connect," Myka said. "Look, I'm all for your friend stopping whatever they're doing, but on the best of days you don't get signals through the warehouse."

"It's shielded," Helena said.

"We noticed, when we couldn't come through the front door," Jack said.

"Good call on not trying to bypass the explosive devices at the front door, by the way," added Myka.

"The shielding is not to keep people out - well, yes, that too," Wells said. "It's supposed to stop the warehouse from taking out a large corner of the planet." To punctuate her words, another round of lightning went over them.

"There's a coolant system throughout the warehouse. We call it neutralizer. If we can get to a hose, we should be able to take care of it from this end. Next aisle." Myka inclined her head to the aisle where Jack and Daniel had been originally headed.  
They all stared at one another.

"No one's going to give up a weapon, are they?" Daniel said.

"Daniel!" Jack shouted before Daniel had finished his question.

Daniel glared at him and unslung his weapon, laying it on the floor along with his zat. Helena shrugged and followed suit.

Myka glared at Jack, but he was already glaring at her.

"Right, I've seen this before," Daniel said, and pointed between himself and Helena. "Why don't we-"

"Yes," Wells said and turned around. "Follow me."

"Helena! That aisle is crazy. I should be there-"

"Myka," Wells glanced at Jack and then at Myka's face. There was limited eye contact because Myka wasn't letting Jack out of her sight. "You are backing me up by keeping an eye on the big, bad general. I can manage an archeologist that believes that the pyramids are spaceships."

"Ah, my reputation precedes me," Daniel said and deliberately closed the distance between the groups. Both Jack and Myka took a step to the side to allow the other two to move.

Jack was inclined to shoot Daniel with the zat. They had no idea how dangerous Wells was and what other weapons she might have. "Hey, I love your crazy ass."

"So you keep telling me," Daniel said, sounding bored.

"Helena, be careful!" Myka snapped.

"So, Helena Wells. Did you know that HG Wells' sister was named Helena?"

Wells laughed. "I hadn't realized that."

"Dan-iel," Jack let all the exasperation he felt out in his voice.

"Don't mind him, Helena," Daniel said and Jack minded that very much, but Daniel was on a roll, making friends. "You remind me of a friend of mine. Her name is Vala."

That made Jack feel better, because you watched Vala like a hawk even when she was on your side. Daniel wasn't an idiot; Jack knew that. He also thought that he should try and follow Daniel's lead a little. "You know, about the geek thing-"

"Don't," Myka said.

Jack sighed. "How far do they have to go?"

"One cross-aisle and about three bins down. We know there are more of you here."

"And I'm guessing that's where you sent the Marines."

"Just one former Marine," Myka confirmed.

"No such thing," Jack shook his head. "They don't believe in the whole 'former' thing. It's hoo-rah all the time."

Myka smothered a laugh and actually gave him a half-smile.

"Hoo-rah! Morning, Noon and night. Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to command a bunch of them when you haven't drunk the same Kool-aid?"

"Hey!" Myka shouted with some force, but her lip was twitching as she fought not to smile. "Charming will get you nowhere."

"Could you accuse me of that in front of Daniel? He denies that I have this ability."

Overall it was becoming cordial and relaxed for two people with weapons pointed at one another, ducking lightning bolts. This was one of the aspects of the job that Jack missed sometimes. But then he was worried about Daniel again.

"How long do you think we should wait before trying to rescue them? Has it been long enough-?"

"JACK!" Myka screamed and dived toward him, tossing her weapon to the side. He couldn't figure out why she'd toss the weapon when both her tiny seeming hands carried the force of all over her weight into his chest, knocking Jack over. He was struggling with his weapon when a purple wave filled the entire aisle just above Myka's head - or at least he was hoping that it had been over and not through.

He was thinking about breathing when she pushed back onto her heels, wide-eyed and breathing hard.

Jack was feeling pretty much the same way, but didn't feel like showing it. "There was six feet between us - how the hell did you jump that far?"

She was watching the aisle. "Secret Service. I protect the President." She frowned, biting her lip. "I protected the President and now I protect other things."

He finally got his zat pointed at her, and Myka looked very offended.

Jack thought, what the hell, he could learn a lesson from Daniel every now and then. He holstered the zat and levered himself up into a seated position. "My ass is thankful for being one of the things you protect. Now that we've reached a state of detente-"

"We should go help!" Myka was already on her feet, extending a hand down to him.

Jack took it and said, "I hate you for being young."

Myka ignored him as she jogged in the direction that Daniel and Helena had gone, but before they could reach the end of the aisle, a geyser of purple goo cut them off. Helena and Daniel were holding some kind of fire hose and working their way down the cross aisle toward the rings. Daniel waved at Jack as Wells pointed to something in one of the racks above. Daniel hit it with the wave of goo.

"They seem to be doing fine without us," Myka said, sounding almost disappointed.

Jack thought about telling her it was okay and that in a place like this she'd get her chance to be a knight in shining armor. Instead he asked, "What's with you people and the purple - gloves, lightning, goo."

"We call the goo neutralizer. It's made in the - " Myka looked at Jack and shook herself back to professional. "It's made here in the warehouse. The nickname of the plant is the goo-ery."

Well, if they were going to be professionals, Jack figured he should fish for information. "Artie name it that?"

"No, Claudia did-" Myka laughed and walked back to where she dropped her weapon earlier. Jack watched her carefully, but all she did was holster it. "We need to stop sharing secrets."

"Looks like we need to help!" Jack said and rushed toward Daniel who was backing up and fighting the hose with Helena. Jack grabbed the hose behind Helena and tried to steady it. She moved up and was trying to direct the nozzle with Daniel. The hose was a bear – like it had become over-pressurized. The cross-aisle was a cloud of purple lightning with the rings barely visible in the middle of the maelstrom.

Myka grabbed the section of hose right in front of Jack. "Are we ready?"

Daniel and Helena turned their heads and nodded.

"Go!" shouted Jack.

It was slow progress toward the rings, because they had to wet down most of the items on the shelves. Whenever the purple goo hit something, varying amounts of sparks flew. Once they were within a few meters, Jack could see that the rings were firing off in some erratic pattern, the cargo vanishing and reappearing. Jack was relieved to see that Red Team never made it on board.

Jack wondered what was happening on board the _Hammond_. What was worse was that Sam was no doubt working to solve this and obviously getting nowhere.

"I'm not sure it's the stage!" called Helena.

"What the hell is it?" Shouted Jack and Myka,

"It's the green crate in the middle," Daniel shouted. "Watch!"

They hosed the rings with the goo and there were various sparks flying from the items on board. It looked like they were done, and then the rings fired, sending everything up to the _Hammond_ , leaving only Mitchel's note on the platform and attacking a stray spark of purple lightning from the surrounding aisles. Less than a minute later, the rings fired again, bringing the crates back. The green one in the middle spewed off a giant purple fireball that forced them all to dive to the floor. As quickly as they could they got up and aimed the goo at the green crate, but the cycle repeated.

"We need to get the neutralizer _in_ that crate," Helena said.

"We need a sledgehammer or an ax – is there a fire ax?" asked Jack.

"Maybe," Myka said making a face. "Oh! Helena. Up one aisle and over three there's the –"

"Yes! There's an ax there, a big one, and it should be safe enough to use. "

"Let's go before we're toasted by a fireball," Daniel said. "Next time it goes."

The rings moved, and Mitchell's note reappeared. Daniel and Wells shut down the hose, and as one the four of them dropped it. Myka led the way down one of the long aisles sliding around the corner ignoring or ducking the lightning. They got to the designated turn and swung around, stopping in their tracks.

Jack felt like he was six years old and wanted to laugh.

"It's bigger than I remember," Helena said.

"You're just not used to a thirty foot blue steer, standing next to the Brawny Paper Towel man," Myka said.

"It's an ox!" said Jack. "It's Paul Bunyan and Babe the blue ox! Geez! Daniel, you are completely right, they don't teach these kids the basics of mythology anymore."

"I have read _all_ of the Greek myths and Gilgamesh," Myka snarled. "This is a road side carnival piece of folklore. Really-"

Daniel had place a hand on her arm. "Don't-"

"But you're an archeologist!"

"Agent Bering-"

"Myka."

"Myka, this is beyond old stories that people have forgotten, trust me."

"It's Minnesota!" Jack said.

"Did you hear the wonder in his voice? I don't hear that often," Daniel said.

"You do after fantastic sex," Jack said.

There was a pause and Jack turned to look fully at Daniel, who said, "Yes, Jack. I was thinking about not sharing that part."

"What? Do you think they don't know what fantastic sex is all about?"

"Jack!"

"What?" Jack held out his hands.

Helena smiled and Myka blushed.

"Alright, Bassman, we're on a mission, so use your Land of Ten-Thousand Lakes charm to get the big guy's ax. Uhm, it's not actually an ax, but just a part of the statue, isn't it?"

They all ducked a small wave of lightning. "Not everything in the warehouse is what it appears," Helena said. "In fact, perhaps it would better if someone other than –"

"Helena, I understand your caution, but the man took me on a road trip last summer and took pictures with every Paul Bunyan statue in the state of Minnesota. You'd be amazed at how many stops we made. Then he threatened to take us on a road trip to the Paul Bunyan statues all over the country."

Jack didn't care what they were saying. "This is the statue from West Hibbing! I saw it when I was a kid. Roadside America said that it got wrecked in a tornado during the sixties that took out the whole town," Jack said, pointing at the statue of Paul.

"It's…" Myka paused and frowned as she read the index card. "When you said every statue-"

"I was being literal," Daniel said.

"It is the statue from West Hibbing, Minnesota. It was the only thing left standing in the town when the warehouse agents retrieved it, but it wasn't a tornado that destroyed the town. It was a disturbed individual with that ax. "

"Well then we should be fine," Jack said and walked up to Paul.

"Uh, Jack," Daniel said, grabbing his arm

"Daniel."

Helena jumped in front of him. "The legend of Paul Bunyan-"

"He chopped down trees - lots and lots of trees and Babe helped haul the logs-" Jack started.

"Yes!" Myka shouted and then ducked some lightning. "That's the point. He cut logs all day and all night. Whoever is holding that ax starts cutting and doesn’t want to stop. It's what happened to the town." She held the card up, reading. "It also says that the effect increases on people that are attracted to the legend."

"Oh that's just crazy talk. Besides it's a big ax. I go out rowing on all the time – take a look at these biceps" Jack said, but Helena was still blocking his path to the ax. He really wanted to pick up the ax.

"Jack, we've run into more than one alien device that alters brain chemistry - think about the arm bands."

"I kind of liked the arm bands." He shrugged. "Well, except for the part where they were going to ultimately kill us."

"Helena, didn't you say this was safe?" Daniel asked.

"He's a general that flew fighter aircraft. How was I supposed to know he had some kind of weird obsession with this!" she replied

"Obsession is such a strong word. I can take out that crate in one amazing swing. Just let me warm up a little," said Jack.

We can make it safe," Helena said. "We just need to get the ax into some neutralizer after we smash the crate."

Jack felt Daniel's hand on his cheek, and he turned. God he loved Daniel's eyes.

"You're a little glassy-eyed, Jack."

"I'm-" Jack stopped when he saw the _No_ written in those eyes. There were other things too, things that made Jack feel loved, but it was definitely a _No_. "I just want –"

"Want it too much. You have a sarcophagus look in your eyes."

"Just once! I want to swing it once." Jack really wanted to feel the weight of it moving through the air. Then he heard the desperation in his voice and saw the concern in Daniel's eyes. He swallowed back his instincts. "Okay, fine!"

"I've got it," Myka said. "Back me up."

Jack could feel Daniel's hand on his shoulder, which helped him suck it up. It felt like being the guy in back of Bra'tac's death glider when he had been the guy In front of his own fighter.

Myka put her hand on the ax and read off the index card, "Gotta some wood to cut." The ax glowed and ceased being the concrete that the rest of the statue was made of and became a man-sized ax, which landed immediately on the floor just missing Myka's foot.

"You don't see that every day," Jack said, beginning to wonder if these women might be right with their mystical arguments about the nature of this stuff. He was sure he could pick up the ax, but he was willing to follow Daniel's lead.

"Take heart," Daniel said. "Cam specializes in pulling weapons from rocks. He's going to be pissed that he missed this one."

"Uhm, a little help," Myka said, as she struggled to lift the ax.

It was shiny, and Jack wanted to touch it. He swallowed hard as he fought to stand still. "Well, Daniel, go ahead. You're the one who goes on and on about exercising. I'm just a barber."

Daniel went over, bent his knees and grunted the ax off the floor. Jack got that they didn't want him to touch it, but Daniel could barely get it off the ground. He wondered how they were going to get it back to the crate, let alone swing it. It was looking like two of them or maybe three of them were going to have to haul that ax when Daniel levered the big weight up onto his shoulder, while the weight pushed him toward the ground. Against every form of reason and the laws of physics, he somehow stood up straight and took a couple of normal steps.

"It's not bad now that it's up on my shoulder. Let's go smash a crate," Daniel said.

Jack wasn't feeling good about this. When he looked at Helena, she was looking nervously at Myka, who was definitely concerned. Then she stepped smartly into the front and said, "Come on, let's get this done."

It should have been a slow walk back, because Daniel should have been weighed down by the ax, but he wasn't. He started a light jog, with the ax on one shoulder. The others kept pace, dodging the lightning as it came. This was really not good.

"We need a plan for how to do this," said Jack, keeping an eye on Daniel.

"It would be best if we could smash the top of crate and then use the hose to fill it with the neutralizer," Helena said.

"There's a practical problem with that. The rings will cut the hose in half when they activate," Jack said.

"Are you sure?" asked Myka. "Maybe it will ride on top, get carried up."

"Oh no! We're very sure that they will cut things in half," Daniel said.

"We need a bucket," Jack said.

"Or we could just smash it into matchsticks and hose it down," Daniel said. He had moved the ax into both hands and was jogging with it up at chest level. Jack had a very bad feeling about this.

They made it back to the aisle where they left the hose and the lightning was going wild again. Jack grabbed the end of the hose and turned it on. The force of the moving goo nearly sent him flying. Then Myka and Wells were behind him, helping him control the weight.

Daniel was already walking up to the platform.

"Daniel, don't even think about getting on the platform!" Jack shouted.

"You don’t have to worry about that! I'm going to swing when the green crate comes back," Daniel said, as he walked around the platform away from Jack and the hose and further into lightning danger. A curl of lightning danced on the top of the ax.

Myka grabbed his arm as he tried to hose Daniel down. "You can't – not yet! If you hit the ax with the neutralizer, it'll become concrete again. Look, I don't know how it works, but the ax seems to be protecting him."

She was right, but it didn't mean that Jack was happy about it. "For the love of –" Jack bit back further comment and pushed further toward the rings.

The rings went up and then came down and there was Mitchell's note.

"Now!" shouted Daniel as he hauled the ax back for a mighty swing. The rings came up.

The rings came down. There was a blinding flash of light and a wave of splinters that it Jack in the flak jacket. He ignored them like the good soldier he was and pressed forward with the hose. The lightning followed an object out of the crate. They hosed it mid-air and followed it with a stream of goo to the floor.

"Is that a top hat?" asked Jack.

"A magician's hat," said Myka.

"That hat creates an interdimensional portal of some kind. Exactly how does that platform work?" asked Helena.

"I'd tell you," Jack said, "But explaining stable wormholes is not the job of a barber."

The rings flew up and came down with Mitchell's note. Then they stopped moving.

"Yes!" shouted Myka.

The three of them were still working to control the hose and neutralize objects tossing lightning toward them, when Daniel said, "Maybe I should open some more of these crates!"

"Daniel, no!" Jack said.

"Don't drop the hose!" Myka shouted and Jack realized that he almost did in order to be able to run toward Daniel, who was taking experimental swings with the ax.

"Daniel, close your mouth," called Helena. "He'll be fine if we hit him with the neutralizer, but it's best not to swallow it."

Jack remembered every water fight he ever had and didn't think the non-swallowing outcome was likely. "What happens if he eats it?"

"Really it will be much worse for him if we don't neutralize the ax," insisted Myka.

Jack wasn't the kind of guy to debate moral quandaries in the middle of a fire fight and decided it was time to trust the women. He shouted, "Hold your breath, Daniel!" Then he charged at Daniel through the shortest path with the unwieldy hose.

That put them on the ring platform when the rings went up, cutting the hose in half into an explosion of purple goo.

***

"Get them off the platform!" shouted Sam and hand were tugging him off the platform onto the deck of the _Hammond_. Jack was holding the end of the hose which was now dead.

"Where are we?" asked Myka. "Helena! You're bleeding – your head!"

"We didn't neutralize it? Why did the platform start moving again?" demanded Helena.

"I activated them from here," Sam said. "You don't know what kind of havoc those crates were causing here, and I wanted them off my ship."

"Ship?" said Helena as she looked around, looking wobbly.

"Spaceship," said Jack, snapping out of it and dropping the useless hose. He jumped back on the platform. "I've got to get back to Daniel, now!"

"I am not activating those rings, and you all need medical attention. What the hell is this purple stuff?" said Sam. "I'd rather use other means beside the Rings. This whole incident has put my ship in danger."

"Jack, he might still be swinging the ax. It'll make him swing for wooden objects, but it's not going to care who or what is in the way," Myka entreated.

Sam held up her hand. "Jack, I've been working with DC – we've got a solution. Just be-"

Jack activated the ring remote.

***

Jack jumped off the platform, before Sam could re-activate and call him back. Tendrils of lightning danced over his head and he didn't care.

"Daniel!"

"Hey! You need to stop right there!"

"And for the love of god, don't use that thing with the flying rings!"

It was Lattimer and the red-head, Claudia. Lattimer had some kind of weapon pointed at him, but it didn’t' matter.

"DANIEL!"

"I'm here, Jack," said a lump in the sea of purple goo, wiping a hand across his face.

"Don't eat that stuff," called Jack, running right through the stuff to pick Daniel up.

"You two just stop right there and drop your weapons, or I'm going to shoot," Lattimer said.

"Don't shoot, Pete! At least not until they tell us where Myka and Helena are," said Claudia.

Jack was listening but didn't care. He pulled a bandana out of his pack and started wiping Daniel's face. "Are you all right? You don't look all right."

"I look…purple."

"Daniel."

"Jack." And then Daniel grabbed both his arms "Jack! I'm okay, or I will be after a shower."

There was a wave of doubt followed by relief that coursed through Jack's body. "I love you."

Daniel was smiling at him, gently moving his hands over Jack's arms, covering his sleeves with goo. Jack could feel the waves of emotion trying to knock him over and threatening to come out as tears. He knew there was only one way out of the fist around his heart that was making it hard to breathe.

"You know, most of the time with the love. Except maybe when you drag me to museums or make asparagus for dinner."

Daniel blinked and then laughed, laughed hard as pulled Jack into a bone crushing hug. Jack had really been hoping that Daniel would have called him a bastard or something, because all he could do was hug Daniel as hard as he could to hold on for dear life.

"That was kind of touching, except for the disclaimers about museums and asparagus," Claudia said.

"Where are Myka and Helena!" demand Lattimer.

Jack understood very well the violence that could build up inside when you needed to know your team was okay. "They're fine. Myka and Helena are both fine. They're on an orbiting space ship."

Jack held onto Daniel, but turned so both of them could face the people with weapons trained on them.

 _"Warehouse Agents!_ " blared the loud speakers. Jack recognized that voice, but was having trouble pinning it down.

"Oh god, I hope that's not the voice of impending doom," Lattimer said. "How much worse can this night get?"

_"Stand down. Our visitors are not the enemy. Again, stand down. Blue Team, stand by for your orders."_

Lattimer and Claudia looked at each other, confused, probably as confused as Jack felt. How the hell did that voice know the team designation? Mitchell and Teal'c must have been captured.

" _Blue Team, this is Colonel Carter. Stand Down. I say again, stand down. Assist the Warehouse agents in any way possible to contain the... the energy disruption._ "

Claudia pulled out the satellite box thing. "Artie, Steve, what the heck is going on? We watched Myka and HG-"

"Claudia, it's okay," said Myka's tinny voice. "We're here, we're safe. Artie got the neutralizer flowing right again, and Steve could use your help managing the automated system from the office. Just get back here and bring our guests. Artie is escorting Colonel Mitchell and Mr. Teal'c."

"Myka, are you sure-"

"Pete, Helena and I are fine. Did you find Jack and Daniel?"

"It's hard to tell under the goo, but yeah, I think we did," said Lattimer.

***

The Warehouse office was full of stuff, but every time Jack reached for something, that guy Artie grabbed it and moved it out of reach.

Everyone had made it back from both the Warehouse team and the _Hammond's_ team. Helena was sitting with a bandage around her head and an Air Force issue ice pack. Blue team was in Air Force sweats because they had all been run through an emergency shower to get rid of the purple goo. Finally Carter came back into the office, followed by a woman in a suit straight out of the fifties.

"Irene, what the hell are you doing here?" Jack demanded.

Myka sidled up to him and whispered in his ear. "We call her Mrs. Frederic, because she's in charge."

"Don't worry, Agent Bering, I know how to handle _him_ ," said Irene Frederick.

"That was your voice over the loudspeaker. I hear you're the voice of doom sometimes," Jack said. "Doesn't surprise me."

Pete laughed until he saw Irene's face. "We did not refer to you as the voice of doom, Mrs. F. I was just concerned at one point that -"

"You were announcing doom," Jack finished.

"Kind of like your outrageous budget proposals to the President," Irene said.

"I got my money," Jack insisted.

"You got some international oversight committee," Irene countered.

"Oh, like the Reagents," Claudia said and gave Pete a high five.

"Regents?" Sam asked.

Both Claudia and Pete looked chagrined.

"I didn't say..." Claudia mumbled into her hand.

Jack felt a hand on his arm. It was Daniel. "You know her?"

"Yeah, she was trying to fund some black ops project." Jack held out his hands, indicating the warehouse. "While I was trying to fund us."

Irene turned to Sam. "Obviously we'll need to do more coordination at the highest levels of command, Colonel. In the meantime," She stepped forward and waited until she had the full attention of the Warehouse agents. "We are going to hand over certain artifacts, such as the Child's Stage, to Colonel Carter." Over the uproar of the Warehouse agents, she continued. "Some of the artifacts in our care belong under the prevue of the Stargate Program and Colonel Carter's team. They are powered by a unique energy signature that the Colonel will share with you."

"And she'll take them back to her spaceship?" Lattimer made a woo-ing noise out of a 1950's science fiction movie. "I cannot believe that you two got to go onto a space ship instead of me." He held out his hands. "What kind of justice is that?"

Helena gestured at Jack and Daniel's holstered zats. "Would that technology include the proto-Teslas?"

Pete pointed at the zat. "Hey, I know that. You know, it's weird. It smells like peanut butter, just like the Child's Stage."

"Like peanut butter?" Sam asked and exchanged confused looks with Teal'c and Mitchell.

Jack frowned. "I always thought it was more almond-brittle."

Pete snapped his fingers. "That's good; that's closer."

Sam smiled at Myka, who backed up a step and let her pass. Sam put her finger tips on Daniel's shoulder directing him back half a step, so that Carter was looking Jack right in the eye. "Are you telling me that you've been able to _smell_ alien technology this _whole_ time, Jack?"

She had shouted his name at him, making him blink. "What? Once you end up in a Ha'tak or Al'kesh everything starts smelling the same. I thought it was Teal'c's aftershave for years!"

"Hey, Lattimer!" Mitchell tossed him a small silver tube, like a pen. Lattimer caught it and the end started to glow. "Cool."

Myka took it from him and it went dark. She handed it to Helena, where it remained dark.

"It doesn't work for everyone," Mitchell said.

Claudia took it and it glowed bright and continued to do so when she handed it to Steve.

"Let me see that," Artie said and took it from Steve. It went dark again as he turned it in his hands, examining it. "It's not a coincidence, is it that this lit for our agents that get a _vibe_ , is it?"

Daniel was looking quizzically at Mitchell. "ATA test?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well," Sam said. "Since we'll be working more closely. Perhaps Agents Lattimer, Jinks, and Donovan should be the first candidates in our exchange program."

"That will be enough of that," Mrs. Frederic snapped and grabbed ancient-gene test out of Artie's hand and gave it back to Mitchell. Jack noticed that it glowed in transit. "At least one of them was a Marine, so you had your shot. Now they belong to me; there will be no recruiting. We will begin a process of identifying and handing over ..." she looked at Sam.

"Naquadah-powered devices," Sam supplied.

Artie led the chorus of objections with the other warehouse agents.

Mrs. Frederick just talked over them. "In exchange, we will be evaluating certain items under the Stargate Program's care." She looked pointedly at Sam, who looked straight back. Sam was also ignoring the raised eyebrows of her team. Jack raised his too, but more for the astute job of negotiating. Years in Washington had taught him about who knew secrets.

"That took some fast talking," Jack said low, for Sam and Daniel to hear.

She replied just as low. "Learned that from Daniel." Before Jack could say anything else, she headed toward the door, and even though she didn't say anything, the team knew it was time to make an exit. Teal'c and Mitchell fell in behind her with Jack and Daniel bringing up the rear.

"Wait!" Pete said. "This evaluation, is it going to take place somewhere more exciting than Univille, South Dakota - like maybe Hawaii?."

"Broom Lake," Sam said.

"I'll bring up Google Maps," Claudia said as she rushed to a computer.

Mitchell sniffed and looked at Teal'c, "More exciting than South Dakota?"

"Perhaps," Teal'c said in the most non-committal voice Jack ever heard from him.

Sam opened the door that led into the white hallway that Jack and Daniel couldn't navigate earlier. She stood behind the door, indicating that the team should precede her.

Teal'c and Mitchell made it out when Pete said, "Perhaps?"

"Maybe you'll find Area 51 more exciting," Sam said.

The look on Lattimer's face was priceless.

"Gee, where'd you learn to yank people's chains like that?" Jack asked, knowing full well the answer.

Sam shrugged. "From the biggest smart-ass I know."

Teal'c smiled at Jack.

Sam continued. "We need to get going now. There are a lot of repairs we need to make before we can head to Las Vegas for a ship-wide shore leave."

"Are you sure we can't change sides?" Pete asked.

All the members of Blue Team looked shocked as they stared at Sam.

"The Air Force has changed since I retired," Jack said tentatively.

"No, it has not," said Teal'c

"Yeah, that's … that's not like – Sam, are you feeling okay?" demanded Mitchell.

"It is not a violation of any Air Force protocol to give my crew shore leave. All I have to do is secure a beam down location and be careful of the traffic flow. Really, it will be good team building and an exercise in moving discreetly. Did you know there are dirt bike races coming to Vegas next week? I think that I can make a proposal that the program will fully approve."

"May I see the back of your neck, Colonel Carter?" Mitchell said.

"Hold on, Mitchell, we need an X-ray or an MRI to check for a snake. Might have gone in from the back of the throat," said Jack."

"I concur," added Teal'c who was blocking Sam from exiting the room.

Daniel raised a finger. "Guys, as someone who had his brain chemistry messed with today, I think we should consider-"

Artie had stepped up to the group and put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "I've got this one. Colonel, you feel really good about this Vegas thing, huh?"

"Yes, I do. I know it's not usually my style, but I'm disappointed in the lot of you. Especially you!" she pointed at Teal'c, who stood straighter and more defiantly under the weight of Jack's curiosity. "You're all making it sound reckless. Furthermore, I can be fun. I am fun."

"Of course, you are," said Artie. "You know, we are concerned about the amount of neutralizer that may have ended up on your ship. None hit you in the face, right? No potential that you swallowed any, right?"

"No."

"No – uhm okay."

"Colonel," said Myka. "After we stopped the Child's stage, did things go back to normal up there?"

Jinks stood up, "Yeah is there anything out of the ordinary?"

"Bright lights, buzzing noises, possibly a sense of time flowing backwards?" asked Claudia.

"Any unusual artwork or objects suddenly appear, maybe ferrets?" asked Lattimer.

"You people are deeply weird," Mitchell said.

"There are ferrets," Sam said.

All the warehouse agents and Mrs. Frederick got knowing looks on their faces.

"The lamp," Artie said as he frantically typed into a keyboard and brought up an image of a brass tea kettle on a screen.

"That's a tea kettle, not a lamp," Mitchell said.

"Yes, yes, I know what it looks like," Artie snapped and then more calmly asked, "Colonel, have you seen this?"

"I saw that in Dr. Lee's lab earlier," Sam said. "He was supposed to be trying to figure out how to disable the rings and instead he was working on some insight that he needed to combine a theory from last week with some math from last year. Frankly, I think it's going to be a brilliant breakthrough, but it wasn't what I needed today."

"A scientist's wish come true," said Helena.

"And convincing your CO to figure out a way to give the whole company leave in Sin City – that would be another _possible_ wish," said Pete.

"The lamp shouldn't have been anywhere near the Child's Stage," said Jinks.

As one, Pete, Myka, Artie and Claudia said, "It moves."

"You emphasized _possible_ wishes," said Daniel. What happens to impossible wishes?"

"Ferrets," said Myka. "Don't worry, they make good pets."

"What you need to worry about are the bad wishes that are possible. Like commanding officers going off the reservation and potentially exposing a top secret program in Las Vegas."

"And you know those commercials are dead wrong. Things that happen in Vegas sometimes get out and contribute to break-ups and things," said Pete.

"This was my idea!" said Sam.

"It won't be, once we neutralize Aladdin's Lamp," said Artie, grabbing his bag. Pete joined him, obviously ready to go.

"Wait," said Mrs. Frederick. "Why don't we let Agents Bering and Wells take care of this? They are familiar with the ship."

"And didn't glow when we passed the light stick around," said Jack, knowing exactly what Irene was thinking.

Pete tripped over his own tongue for a moment. "Helena's got a concussion. I should really go with Myka."

"We've got a good infirmary up there; besides, where's the nearest emergency room around here? I've got a proposal," said Jack.

*** Two weeks later ***

Daniel ran his hand over the dashboard as Jack drove. "You know, this is nice even for a government issued vehicle."

"You trying to say something?" Jack asked, knowing exactly where this conversation was angling toward. He turned the familiar corner and had a flutter of excitement.

"I'm just saying comfortable - something to consider, especially the heated seats."

"There's my baby!" Jack said and suddenly Daniel's hand was on his.

"You usually save _baby_ for when we're in the middle of sex," Daniel practically growled. "And by the way, you are completely right about comfortable hotel rooms and the inspiration they provide."

"Not that, baby," Jack said, turning a bit too sharply and pointed out the windshield. "That baby!" He smiled at his beat up pick-up truck sitting in front of their cabin - their home.

"Really, we haven't even parked yet and the romance is over?" Daniel complained.

Jack stopped and turned off the _comfy_ car. "Watch it, we have an audience." He pointed to where Myka and Helena were walking toward them hand-in-hand. As he was getting out, he heard Daniel say, "You make it sound like that would stop me." Jack resisted the urge to look at him for fear of the evil look that he was sure he would find.

"Ladies!"

Daniel joined him in front of the SUV and asked, "Helena, how's your head?"

"Healed - no doubt in huge part to this getaway."

Jack was getting a bear-hug from Myka. "Thank you so much for letting us _return your boat_."

"Let us thank you for the loan of the comfy vehicle," Jack said, giving Daniel a sidelong glance. "Did you end up making a side trip to Vegas?"

"No. Once we tracked down the artifact and neutralized it, Colonel Carter was less inclined toward shore leave," Helena said.

"I went over the ship making sure we got everything – very interesting. How was your trip back?" asked Myka.

"We detoured through Chicago for a few days on the way back from Univille," Daniel said.

"Let's go inside and grab a beer," Jack said and started heading to the door, but Myka tugged on his sleeve.

"We'd love to, we really would, but we've been gone two weeks already."

"Unfortunately, Myka's right," said Helena. "There's no telling how much trouble Pete has gotten himself into, sniffing for alien technology."

"Ain't that the truth," Myka said. "Look, our bags are ready and we should still have enough time to make it to Minneapolis before it gets too late."

"We did the dishes and changed the sheets," Helena said, as she pointed to their bags on the porch. "Also, Myka, _caught_ you a present. It's in the refrigerator marinating."

"Ha!" Jack exclaimed. "Finally, someone who likes to fish!"

Myka smiled but crinkled her nose. "I prefer catching, and Helena might have wanted to test a small piece of technology."

Helena held up a box and pressed a button. A weird kind of burr and whine came out of it. "Put it underwater and the fish practically jump into your boat."

Jack rubbed his eyes. "You might as well fish with dynamite." He was going to complain further, but Myka kissed him on the cheek, followed by a handshake from Helena. Daniel, who was exchanging suitcases in the back of the SUV, received similar treatment.

"Fine!" Jack said. "Everyone's in a rush. We filled up about twenty miles back, so you should be good for a while. Who's driving?" He jingled the key, which didn't jingle that much with only the plastic key fob to knock against - another reason he liked his truck better.

"Oh!" Helena said and took a couple of steps toward Jack when Myka rushed up and took the keys from him. "Yeah, we need to work on bringing your driving skills up to this century. Also, you still need a license."

Helena waved her hand and frowned. "Oh please, who's going to ask for it? I'll just show them my Agent's badge."

"You don't have a driver's license?" Daniel pulled his brows together.

Helena paused as she was climbing into the SUV next to Myka. "They didn't have them when I learned." She shrugged and pulled the door closed behind her. Both women waved and then Myka did a K-turn and headed back out the road that Jack and Daniel had arrived on.

"What do you supposed she meant by that?" Jack asked.

"Never mind," Daniel said, picking up the suitcases. "Let's go in. I want to show you the souvenirs I bought in Chicago."

Jack spun around and snatched a suitcase from Daniel, moving it so he could hold hands. Daniel kissed him quick and sweet. As they walked up the wide front steps, Jack asked, "Are you going to make me look at books?"

Daniel smiled wide and wicked. "Hell no. I'm going to show you all our new sex toys."

Jack felt the red rise to his face, but inside he was hiding a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Written For:Lokei in the JD_Ficathon. Prompts:1.Happy/hopeful ending. 2.Jack and Daniel being intelligent and competent. Optional: a mystery or a heist
> 
> Many thanks to Catspaw and Sorrel for their betas and advice. I never would have made it without them – and I probably failed to execute their good advice in places. That is to say, it's all my fault.


End file.
